Big Beautiful Parade Beneath Tallest Flag Poles to Honor Greatest American Ever

[Elon Musk on Ari Emanuel’s yacht in 2022]

Today, I got up late and accomplished little before noon. Not employed by anyone, much less chained to an assembly line, I simply went home and slept. At 1:22PM, I’m alert enough to be typing this at Pato’s Bingsu. This quiet room can easily fit a hundred, yet I’m alone. That’s why I come here.

In Meville’s “Bartleby, the Scrivener: A Story of Wall-Street,” there’s a clerk, nicknamed Turkey, who’s practically useless after noon. Even if he wasn’t pushing 60, there’s no way Turkey would be employed today in any office. In 1853, this could still be tolerated:

There was a strange, inflamed, flurried, flighty recklessness of activity about him. He would be incautious in dipping his pen into his inkstand. All his blots upon my documents, were dropped there after twelve o’clock, meridian […] At such times, too, his face flamed with augmented blazonry, as if cannel coal had been heaped on anthracite. He made an unpleasant racket with his chair; spilled his sand-box; in mending his pens, impatiently split them all to pieces, and threw them on the floor in a sudden passion; stood up and leaned over his table, boxing his papers about in a most indecorous manner, very sad to behold in an elderly man like him.

Turkey was retained not just because he was exemplary in the morning, but because of his boss’ understanding of human nature. We’re not made to function with machinelike uniformity or regularity. The assembly line almost solved this “problem.” Now come real machines to make as many of us redundant as possible. Useless eaters further blighting their landscapes must be culled. They don’t want your Cheetos bloated blobs to taint their views of any beach, park, sidewalk, café or restaurant. Only prime Melanias will be kept to clear their tables, wipe their asses and swallow their pedigreed jizzim. Sucking robots are for incels begging to be gas chambered. Symbolically speaking, of course. They don’t need to be deloused.