One Bombing Campaign is Enough

[Taipei, 9/25/24]

Resisting the urge to just sit in Tomorrow’s lobby to watch that dancing girl promising me a Porsche, I descended into the metro early this morning. Most commuters were staring at cellphones. Some slept. Nearly half were masked. Standing right in front of me, a very white and thin schoolgirl had me thinking about Chinese bone structure. I doubt there’s a single power forward in China or Taiwan built like Karl Malone.

Though cities pack so many bodies together, you’re not supposed to touch any. Promising so much, they yield little. Sprawled on San Francisco, Los Angeles, Denver, Phoenix, Miami and Philly sidewalks are all these broken bodies. The homeless in Oriental cities aren’t as numerous or squalid. The lone homeless man in downtown Vung Tau has disappeared.

Unlike in Japan, Malaysia, Indonesia, Philippines, India, Mexico, Brazil, Egypt, Iran and Saudi Arabia, there are no female only cars on Taiwanese metros. The prevalence of short skirts here must mean women generally feel safe from harassment.

Tomorrow’s staff are mostly very young women, all in short skirts. This morning, there was a thin, unsmiling young man in a lime green suit. Thankfully, his shift was ending.

The most famous Taiwanese alive is Nymphia Wind. This drag queen won the latest edition of RuPaul’s Drag Race. On 5/15/24, Nymphia performed for President Tsai Ing-wen at her office. Now in Brooklyn, Nymphia is also known as Banana Buddha. Her fans are Banana Believers. Starting out, Nymphia was inspired by American Sharon Needles.

In 2019, Taiwan became the first Oriental nation to legalize gay marriage. Globally, here are the first 25: Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, Spain, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Argentina, Iceland, Portugal, Denmark, Brazil, Spain, New Zealand, Uruguay, UK, Ireland, Luxembourg, United States, Colombia, Australia, Finland, France, Germany and Greece. It’s telling that only one, South Africa, is in BRICS. A bunch are in NATO.

On 4/19/24, Putin signed a decree allowing foreigners to apply for temporary residency in Russia if they share “traditional Russian spiritual and moral values.” Those fleeing the “destructive neoliberal ideological agenda” of their increasingly unrecognizable homelands don’t even need to know the Russian language, history and laws.

Nymphia Wind, Sharon Needles, Alaska Thunderfuck, Mayhem Miller, Trinity The Tuck, Kamala Harris and the Anti Defamation League are all twisting their faces while making farting noises with their lipsticked frontal holes.

Since China has banned “sissy men and other abnormal aesthetics” from TV, Chinese are sadly deprived of transgender performers like Jordan Gray. Outdoing President Zelensky even, Gray stripped naked on the BBC to tinkle on the piano with her dick. Chinese must also do without shows like Naked Attraction. Forget soul, mind, smiles or style, let’s look first at each potential date’s unclothed lower half.

Having no idea what’s above ground, I got off at Kunyang Station. The purpose of traveling is to be surprised. I’ve been lost in every city. Taipei has only been bombed by the USA. Since Uncle Sam didn’t quite raze it, its architecture has layers of history, not bad for a city not that old.

I started walking. Most residential buildings in Nangang weren’t just old, but dilapidated. This is where normal people live, I thought. At least they can afford to be in Taipei. From Taoyuan, it’s 1 1/2 hour to commute each way. The steel meshes or bars over nearly all windows and balconies, even five stories up, mean burglary is a problem. They also prevent your nextdoor neighbor from plugging your disgruntled wife. It’s been stale for so long.

If only Nangang’s buildings were older. Instead, they appeared quickly built no earlier than the 50’s, in that utilitarian, Bauhaus sanctioned style blighting much of the world. There weren’t even enough first floor stores to enliven their bleakness. It was sweet, though, to see here and there red and yellow banners with their Sinograms, dragons and deities. These were cheerful lipsticks on concrete pigs.

Nowhere in the Orient will you find the desolation and menace of American ghettos. Orientals inject soul and, often enough, cheerfulness into their worst hoods even.

Passing by a café on Kunyang Street, I noticed album covers and vinyl records on its wall, so walked in. Michael Jackson, Oasis and Nirvana’s tunes are catchy enough for none English speakers to enjoy, but Dylan and Leonard Cohen require appreciation of their lyrics, I would think. The middle aged owner also had Lana del Rey’s “Born to Die” displayed. To my surprise, he didn’t even understand “coffee,” “black” or “sugar.” I’ve forgotten all the Mandarin I studied as a boy. Though extremely loquacious, the owner wore a baseball cap that said “RECLUSIVE.” His female cook had a “SWING” one. She understood enough to give me a steel glass of joe for $1.41. Next to me was a young man eating some soft, spongy bread sprinkled with something. He was seized the entire time by his cellphone. By the glass door with its image of a surfboard, two older ladies did chatter.

I learnt much meandering around. Returning to the metro, I noticed two huge banners at Nangang High School, “BILINGUAL SCHOOL / GLOBAL CITIZENS / FUTURE LEADERS” and “DIVERSE INTERNATIONAL.” Though two adjectives, like GAY OBESE or RIGHT STUPID, don’t quite make sense, the second is another reminder we must become diverse and international.

Returning to Ximen, I stopped briefly at Central Station. There, I saw a bunch of homeless people. Train stations provide warmth and toilets. An ad for “Scotland Green Tea” and “Scotland Black Tea” caught my attention. On it was a sort of Pre-Raphaelite blonde with flower garland on her hair, playing a harp. Though Taiwan is world famous for its oolong, locals craving the exotic can sip tea from Scotland, where it can’t grow. In Vietnam, kebabs made with pork and minus essential tzatziki is the new craze. Diverse international!

I did my part last night by eating loaded nachos for dinner. At $7.19, it cost more than three times my usual noodle meal, but hell, it’s been a while. Of American contributions to world culture, Tex-Mex is second only to Walt Whitman.

Back at the cafe on General Uprising in Vung Tau, none of my Taiwan experiences will mean anything. Neither Pale Face nor Tank Top will be interested. It’s a matter of pride, you see, for nearly everyone must be right all the time. Though Pale Face has never been to the US, he keeps lecturing me about it, and Tank Top is convinced no American drives a car over ten-years-old. Being stupid is a lifelong pursuit requiring all of your mental power. Beckett, “He’s right, of course. Who isn’t?” Whatever book that’s in, I sold it decades ago to buy Ramen Pride.

It’s 6:15AM. On the screen, that bouncing girl is still dancing away. I’m getting hungry. Halfway through this article last night, I looked up to see this vertical line running down a woman’s back, “I’m too grateful to be hateful. I am too blessed to be stressed.”

Everything slips away. I almost forgot I took that picture. Though everything is a memento mori, we must infuse each with something like love. Always impatient because time is short, I will now hit the street.

[Nangang in Taipei, 9/25/24]

[Nangang in Taipei, 9/25/24]

[Nangang in Taipei, 9/25/24]

[Nangang in Taipei, 9/25/24]