Cyclo Drivers

[Vung Tau, 8/7/24]

The day started out disagreeably. At the café on General Uprising, I had been sitting next to this man dozens of times without talking to him, until last week. Today we discussed politics. Since Vietnam is a one party state that had endured a recent civil war, this is usually done very delicately, if not strategically. It’s not unlike how Americans talk about race. (As for politics, they stay well clear of their opponents. You can’t discuss anything with Nazis or Libtards.)

Nearly all the music in this café is from South Vietnam in the 60’s and 70’s. Many songs are about the plight of the Southern soldier. To cite one, “Những đồi hoa sim” [“Rose Myrtle Hills”] was technically banned until 2020! My northern accent alone raised eyebrows here. It’s as if a Yankee had strayed into a redneck bar. Northerners who had come south in the 50’s, though, are fine. In Vung Tau, they’re mostly in Bến Đá [Stone Dock].

Since I was in a Southern café, I didn’t expect the South to be denigrated, but this Southerner had nothing but contempt for the South. It didn’t collapse because America had made a deal with China, my contention, but because of bad leadership and unwilling soldiers. A quarter of a million South Vietnamese soldiers died fighting. He also dismissed my assertion that America’s owners didn’t lose that war, but made tons of money from it, just as they would in Afghanistan and Ukraine. As the US sinks into squalor and madness, its citizens are robbed of billions to fatten war profiteers.

No, no, no, the US stands for freedom and democracy, he countered, with two parties who keep each other in check. It couldn’t afford to spend any more in Vietnam, so had to leave. America has invented everything and leads the world in everything. The only thing it’s bad at is war. That’s why it has lost so many.

“America is not corrupt.”

“You really think their leaders aren’t corrupt, and greedy, like everybody else?”

“Everyone is greedy, but corruption can be contained. Just look at Singapore.”

As for freedom of speech, he sneered at Gary Webb and Gonzalo Lira, two cases I brought up. To be fair, many Americans are also dismissive if not contemptuous of them.

“What’s their ideology? Which Party or god did they serve?”

“They were after the truth.”

“Truth!” he smirked. “What’s the truth? A man should just take care of himself and his family.”

“Everyone is different. What about Nhất Linh and Nam Cao?” With entirely different politics, each writer died for his ideals.

When he didn’t respond, I suspected he only had the dimmest ideas who they were. Nhất Linh was Vietnam’s leading novelist. When I mentioned two recent writers, Bảo Ninh and Nguyễn Thuy Thiệp, he went blank. Since youth, he had been engrossed with politics, he said. “I have a very deep knowledge of it.”

His oddest belief was South Vietnam would not have lost had Nguyen Cao Ky, a transplanted Northerner, was president at the end. After urging troops to stay and fight, Ky disappeared. At his peak, shallow Ky was uniformly praised by the American press, with “flamboyant” an often used adjective.

Leaving that thin, pale man with dull eyes and bad posture, I decided to go to Bến Đá. Two years ago, I’d have walked all the way to that seafront neighborhood filled with churches. Today, I hailed a cyclo.

Though cyclos are most convenient for shopping trips, few use them anymore. The few remaining cyclo drivers tend to be older. When I was child in Saigon, it was common to hear, “If you don’t study, you’ll be a cyclo driver!” Now, you dread becoming a seller of lottery tickets. They’re multiplying in Vietnam.

Seeing that my driver was near 60, I only asked him to take me halfway, to Mulberry Beach. With inclines, I had to get off his cab thrice to walk. Since the man hadn’t died by Mulberry Beach, we decided to go all the way. I paid him $4, enough for four or five tasty meals. A motorbike taxi would have been ten times quicker and cost half as much, but these cyclo drivers really need your business. Hire them when you’re in Vietnam.

In “Modes of Locomotion,” I write, “The best way to move forward is in a pedicab. In Saigon, the driver ushers you from behind like a concerned mother. Hovering above the back of your tousled head, he steers you firmly into oncoming traffic as you admire the scenery.”

Trần Anh Hung’s Cyclo is a fine if somewhat perplexing portrait of Saigon.

“How long have you been pedaling a cyclo, brother?”

“Forty-two years.”

“Forty-two-years! How old are you?”

“Fifty eight.”

“You’ve been doing this since you were sixteen!”

Born in Da Lat, he left home at 14-years-old because he was starving. His father, a South Vietnamese captain, was in a reeducation camp. His mother was going mad trying to take care of her six children. Having just enough money to escape, he said to the bus driver, “Where should I go to be by the ocean?”

“Vung Tau.”

Here, he did whatever for anybody. He was grateful for anything they gave, even if it’s just food. After two years, he had saved enough to rent a cyclo. Three and half years after that, he bought one.

“They were very expensive. Each cost two taels of gold.” That would be $6,200 today, but gold was still cheap way back then. The price of a cyclo, though, has gone way down. You can grab one for just $625. Think about it. I’m certain cyclos won’t just make a comeback, but spread across this stressed earth. Soon, you’ll find them in Brisbane, San Jose and Paris. Stop dreaming about flying cars.

“Before, I would never go down this stretch.”

“They robbed you!”

“And killed you, if you fought back.”

“When was this?”

“Up to the 90’s. 91, 92.”

“Where were the cops?”

“They didn’t care, and they were afraid.”

“There was nothing in it for them.”

“That’s right.”

Gary Glitter rented a house around there. He should have been locked up a lot longer. Sex tourism and American brainwashing are two major blights in Southeast Asia. Neocolonialists should be sent home. Mark Ashwill, “Viet Nam did an outstanding job containing COVID-19 but containment is only a stopgap measure, a way to buy more time before rolling out a mass vaccination program.” In Hanoi to develop “globally competent citizens,” this internationalist education entrepreneur also has much to say about anti-Semitism. He hates nationalism.

“Look!”

“What?”

“To your right.”

It turned out to be Trần Tiến on his balcony. His most famous song is about the Northern soldiers, “Những đôi mắt mang hình viên đạn” [“Bullet Shaped Eyes”].

“Have you been back to Da Lat.”

“No.”

“Not once in all these years! So no contact with your siblings.”

“No.”

“Maybe they’re billionaires!”

“What does it matter.” Then, “In Da Lat, I wouldn’t be able to do this. All those hills!”

“And you wouldn’t be able to sleep outside. It’s too cold.”

“Here, it’s the mosquitoes. I use lotion.”

“There wasn’t any decades ago, so you just had to take it. You wake up with a hundred bites.”

“That’s right.”

For 42-years, he’s been sleeping on his cab without a mosquito netting. Though it’s much harder to always be outside in countries with snow, countless must. Have you been to Denver lately? In Belgrade, I met Savka, a woman who had been homeless for 28 years. She had to flee Croatia when Yugoslavia broke up.

“Even with lotion, if you miss a spot, they’ll find it.” I point to the back of my ear.

“That’s right.”

“Sleeping on a cyclo, it must be hard to get a woman!”

“Sometimes, I do.”

“You’re good! There are all these guys with rooms who can’t get a woman.”

The ride was bumpy enough that a short video I made had to be deleted. You’ll get seasick watching it.

“You’re 58, brother. How much longer can you do this.”

“Who knows? It’s up to Mr. Sky.”

“The problem is, you can’t just die. It may take two, three decades!”

“That’s right.” He laughed.

“It would be good if it was just overnight, but you might find yourself lying there, in pain and filth, for years or decades! Mr. Sky can sustain a joke.”

“That’s right.”

“You’re in so much pain, you can’t even shift your body.”

“I saw guys like that.”

“Do you smoke or drink?”

“I’ve stopped everything.”

“When something goes wrong inside, you’re done!” The verb I used was “tiêu,” meaning digested. If you’re swallowed and digested, you’re done. Cầu tiêu means toilet.

“That’s right.”

Old women are his primary customers. They’re dying off. Mentioning this, he used the verb “rụng.” There’s no English equivalence. It means a fruit dropping from a tree.

Bến Đá felt familiar enough. Sitting in a cafe, I looked. Across the street, a woman sitting outside a hair salon cleaned her glasses with the wide, flowing hem of her indigo and white pants. Behind me, a child was told to make a sign of the cross before eating breakfast. Sitting on the back of a motorbike, a man held a near life sized wooden statue of Joseph. Standing, Jesus’ dad looked backward towards the ocean.

Leaving the cafe, I passed a chapel to Saint Vincent de Paul. Inside a grubby eatery, a man slurped his pork noodles beneath an image of Jesus.

Bến Đá was initially settled in 1954 by Catholic refugees arriving mostly from Nam Định, my father’s province. More recently, there’s an influx of Catholics from Bình Định, in Central Vietnam. If you get into a fight in Bến Đá, it will be your last.

Seeing here and there a sign of rooms for rent, I thought it wouldn’t be bad to move there.

Walking back a different way, I could sort of recognize a business here and there. I came close to Kozak, a mediocre Ukrainian restaurant likely on its last legs. Before the war, Russians were its primary clientele. The last time I had decent Russian food was in Nha Trang.

If Café Rio was still open, I missed it. In December of 2019, I spotted framed photos of Gates, Job, Obama, Trump and Jack Ma, so had to walk in. The slim barista wore a black jean miniskirt. Here are Café Rio’s words to live by:

“The luckiest thing in life, is not to receive money, and it’s not winning the lottery, but having someone to lead you to a higher level, so RESPECT the one who leads you”

BILL GATES
CHAIR OF MICROSOFT

*

“If someone gives you a wonderful opportunity, but you’re not sure you can accomplish it, just say YES first then figure out how to do it.”

STEVE JOB
FORMER CEO OF APPLE TECHNOLOGY

*

“Believe me: If you get rid of your life insurance, you may end up paying a very high price.”

PRESIDENT OF THE USA OBAMA

*

“In a fast changing world, what will lead to failure quickest is your fear of adventure.”

PRESIDENT OF THE USA DONALD TRUMP

*

“Even when it comes to making yourself rich, you still have to wait for someone to:

-REMIND YOU
-SUPERVISE YOU
-MOTIVATE YOU
-THINK FOR YOU
-AND EVEN FLATTER YOU

Then I have one advice for you:
STOP DOING IT
YOU DESERVE TO BE PERMANENTLY POOR”

JACK MA
CHAIRMAN OF ALIBABA GROUP
THE RICHEST BILLIONAIRE IN ASIA

Though I kept half recognizing streets and alleys, I ended up lost. I didn’t have my cellphone. It’s always good to be reminded of your flawed grasp of everything. Though it was only around 9AM, I was already exhausted. It was around 89 degrees with 90% humidity. I hailed another cyclo driver.

This man turned out to be 59. He had only been pedaling for 23 years or so. Unlike the first, he had a family and home. His wife worked the overnight shift, the worst, at a “ghost rice” restaurant. His two grown sons delivered food on motorbikes.

Before he died unexpectedly last year, Kiệt was supposed to publish my books in Vietnamese. The last time I saw him, we got painter and poet Trịnh Cung to gossip about Trịnh Công Sơn. Everyone has stories. Even the owner of the café on General Uprising. Working in a hotel, he managed to corner the drunk legend, so has a plastic sleeved signed manuscript. After 1975, Trịnh Công Sơn wrote nothing memorable. Sometimes, he was comically bad, but so what? Stuck in Windhoek, I would sing some of his best lines just to hear Vietnamese.

Taking over for Kiệt, Phan will release my Viet books. The thickest is Tích ngàn thu sau bữa cơm ma. In English, it sounds retarded, Thousand Autumn Legends After A Ghost Rice Meal. Each culture is essentially private. Its guardian is nationalism.

[Vung Tau, 3/9/24]

[Phnom Penh, 4/3/24]

[Phnom Penh, 2/27/23]

[Da Lat, 1/2/19]