Legend Suckers Denuded

[Guan Yu (158?-220) as depicted by Utagawa Kuniyoshi (1798-1861)]

Unless I’m lying, we have glossed over the reasons any man may lie. To hide his hideousness, he can’t help but lie. He does so by memory holing all those sordid episodes littering his blameworthy life. Congratulating myself, I suddenly strike a pensive pose, so am lying without uttering a word. Such poses have taken decades to refine. Like you, I should be fined if not shot.

We also love to lie about others. To honor or condemn, we spew bullshit. Recently, I showed a giant statue of Guan Yu in Jingzhou. This long dead Chinese is more ubiquitous than Confucius, Laozi, Mencius or Mao. One of Saigon’s most beautiful temples is dedicated to Guan Yu. He’s depicted by Utagawa Kuniyoshi in a masterful triptych, now at the British Museum. To worship Guan Yu at home, you can buy a statue from Amazon. Carrying his likeness on a keychain or necklace will keep you safe from shootings, stabbings, missile strikes, volcanoes, earthquakes, wildfires, train derailments and plane crashes, the last especially relevant since Elon Musk has fired all those Federal Aviation Administration bums who spend all their time admiring their newly sculpted pussy or dick, paid for by your tax dollars. Though not functional, they look great, especially when you squint and the light is dimmed. Paper acid also helps.