[Don Det, 4/1/23] During my two weeks in Stung Treng, Cambodia, I stayed at two hotels. At the second, Ly Hueng Guest House, the owner was a police colonel who had spent three years in Vietnam. Though his Vietnamese was limited, we could communicate. On my last evening in town, the colonel drove me around on his motorbike.
I think you can be instantly forgiven for classifying him and his band as American. As an American kid growing up in the 1970s and 80s, the music of Queen was very much in my soundtrack. And if you listen to their melodies and lyrics, much of it seems more American than British. Seems to me that most of that generation of British pop musicians were obsessed with American culture and music, to the extent that present day rainbow-hair faggots would accuse them of 'cultural appropriation.' I had no idea that Queen were British, or gay. I didn't know what gay was, other than some invisible trip wire that was all around us, where other boys (and girls) would instantly mock you if did something slightly 'girlish.' "You throw like a girl" haunted me all through my strident attempts in little league baseball. That was because no one bothered to teach me how to throw. That was small town life back then, or maybe it's the same, always has been, it's rare for a man to actually teach a boy how to do anything? A good coach is just someone who actually puts in the time, I guess? I had no inclination to be a girl, I was fascinated by them, but it was not my preference to be one. I knew I wanted to chase them or even better, have them chase me on the playground. Anyway, at some point I must have heard Freddie Mercury speak instead of sing. That used to amaze me, the British pop stars all sang like Americans, and then speak in those 'orrible sounding accents. What was that all about? I really like the Kinks from the 70s, Ray Davies was obsessed with America and produced a series of albums that portray British people thinking about America and longing for some version of it, without pretending to be American.
"... it's rare for a man to actually teach a boy how to do anything?"
I have to share this with my partner, I think he thinks he's the only man in the world whose father taught him NOTHING. Here in Maine a lot of men teach their sons and daughters how to do things like take care of a vehicle, maintain a house, etc. On the flip side, my grandfather was a small-town accountant who certainly never did any manual labor that I'm aware of, and my father -- who could do everything (where did he learn it?) -- didn't want his father driving his car!
I have sometimes felt like your partner. I thought for a long time that my father and his peers knew a lot more practical things than my generation. I don’t know if it is fair to blame my father, he was busy and he always earned and he didn’t abandon his family. His own father was a mechanic and upholsterer who owned his own business. His sons became engineers and moved out into the world. Each generation had to deal with increasingly difficult technology and also intense specialization in all fields. I raised two sons and I provided a great deal of resources and opportunities, but when I grabbed tools to fix something I wanted to work alone. Bad idea. So I managed to pass on some incompetence. But, as young men they have turned around and taught me how to do many things. I didn’t want to be accompanied by sullen and sulking boys when I was building or repairing things. I most wanted them to share my passion for history and literature. Of course I didn’t get my wish. They are literate and smart but a lot of stuff that fascinates me bores them. Still, I remember certain teachers and coaches and mentors, who shared high standards and patience, who put in the time. I will never understand why I had to ride my bike by myself to little league practice, and face a hostile group who despised me for not being able to throw the ball. Dad let me down there. I’m sort of waiting to find out what I failed to do, when my sons reach bitter disappointment mid life crisis.
My father-in-law didn't know how to do anything because he thought he was intellectually superior (NOT!) and he despised actual labor of any sort. I'm trying to find what language has a succinct word or phrase for people who think they're intellectually superior and who are actually really stupid. My partner is now facing these truths and struggling with them because he and his siblings were all taught they were superior to other people (NOT!).
Thank god that you had teachers and coaches and mentors. My partner was too scared to go to boy scouts alone and his father -- who was jealous of anyone else paying attention to his eldest son -- refused to accompany him. As a girl, I had none of the above so was left to find my way alone in life.
Not interested in history and literature! I used to be a fanatical reader of Victorian novels but now I'm a fanatical reader of history.
I just bet people in Appalachia have a perfect way to describe the Smart/Dumb people. In the army we talked about Book Smart, Street Stupid...there has to be more but I can't remember. I know some of my sergeants had to be referring to me as one of these. I had some coaches and mentors, but we made a big move when I was about 12, and I stopped having Scouts or baseball, like your partner I was scared, and also pissed off about the move. I fell in with a lot of kids whose parents were professors and administrators at the big Uni which dominated the town. My brother found the Stoners. Mixed results. Army enlisted life helped straighten me out. My grandfather the upholsterer was also a home town intellect who studied many subjects and played classical piano. I wish I knew him more, and I wish one of his sons had stayed and built the business. Anyway...Dear Susan, have you tried Terry Pratchett's Disc World series? And for completely the opposite, Victor Davis Hanson on classical warfare.
Not familiar with either Terry Pratchett or Victor Davis Hanson, though I actually have read some books on military history (mostly when I proofread [past tense] for work). I don't have access to a really good library, unfortunately.
Book Smart, Street Stupid is pretty damn good! I'm looking for something such as l'esprit d'escalia (wit of the staircase; you know, when you think of the perfect reply five minutes later).
It has taken me 57 years to realize how very damaging my mother selling our family home was when I was 12 years old and she started the process of dragging me around hell's half-acre. I think my life would have been very different if we had stayed put; I became accustomed to chaos, which is not a good thing.
I like that your grandfather was a hometown intellect! My grandmother went to work when she was 12 -- her mother died -- had 2 children out of wedlock (one went to a Catholic orphanage and died, the other to a baby farm and died), worked out west, including meeting Clarence Darrow at the resort he liked in Iowa, returned to Ohio and after her divorce in the 1930s worked as a nurse's aide and waitress. Yet she was culturally, politically and intellectually aware; my mother got her first library card when she was 3 years old. I think it's a sign of devolution when the working class has forgotten that once upon a time they were hungry for genuine education.
There’s also something to the phenomenon of people leaving manual labor and farming, and refusing to have anything to do with it. It happened suddenly and we are still dealing with the repercussions. Two generations in my past, my grandparents were born into large farm families. Grew up wearing hand me down clothes. My grandmother was horrified when we had torn knees in our jeans. Absolutely horrified.
Very, very true. My father liked to joke that people left the farm and still ate like farmers while riding around on lawn tractors. My grandmother grew up on a farm and hated it, but she still dressed out live chickens from the market, sewed, knitted, etc. Interestingly, my extremely competent parents had an incredible respect for labor and I was shocked to find that many people do not.
While being taught things by one's parents and friends certainly can help one ease into the world, it's not really necessary. Just learning how to read and think logically is enough to get you going if you can make yourself go. Speaking of going check out this woman getting things done. Her sister was similar in her ability to do just about anything. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzJQOBmhr_Q
The problem with this is that many people do not learn well from reading and learn much more successfully from doing.
I have two books from Country Women, a group of women who went "back to the land" with male partners, found their male partners were lazy-ass good-for-nothings, got rid of them, formed a collective and taught themselves how to do everything from raising chickens to building houses.
I'm glad the woman in the video learned from her mistake, but a harness attached to the roof framing could have prevented her fall. It's what the pros do!
True, skill and craftmanship don't come from reading but I imagine at least one woman in your
example figured out how other people went about accomplishing projects before starting their own.
That woman is the sister of my last girlfriend. She grew up in the bush 70 miles from Huslia, Ak. One would be hard pressed finding a tougher individual. I am pretty sure that if I were in the picture she would find me a lazy-ass good for nothing and I am pretty competent at that sort of stuff. I just don't do things at 100 miles per hour all day long.
Very funny! The lazy-ass good-for-nothings closely resembled the men at the "utopian" community in central Massachusetts (Brook Farm), the men surrounding and including Bronson Alcott. They sat around having philosophical discussions instead of farming, and their wives and children went hungry until local people took pity on them. That's what these women described, not partners who just worked slowly and competently, but partners who did virtually zilch.
Amen! When my wife is busy I am intimidated! She does assign me certain tasks because she says that I am “thorough.” Hahaha I know I am, but I’m also painstakingly slow and deliberate. I have frustrated more than one boss.
Makes me think of the fierce Women of the West, some of whom got on a train in the East, and met their new husband in the West, and then raised everything and spurred their menfolk on as well. I got into genealogy, and found some ancestor women in the west that went through multiple husbands and raised tribes of kids!
That took courage to write what you did. I think many more men than will admit it battle what simpler minds attribute to them through their observations. If you make Mike Tyson with a voice replaced with Jesse Ventura's the standard for what it is to be a man, then sheeeet, we are all undefinable girls! Just get rid of it!
I too take this sheeeet, not so much in school as I was a jock with a girlfriend, but later when I rarely had a girl by my side. I still take smack. I had a neighbor say I could visit him when I get a girlfriend. How am I to maintain my privilege with all this flak? Can I help it that I like the looks of the ones that say, "My man at a minimum needs to make $500,000 per year" except I would flat out reject her for saying that. So what to do? Choose the one that looks similar to that one but says, "Looking for a man 18 to 99." She looks like that and has no standards! What a find! Hmmmm? Or should I downgrade? Obviously, you can't downgrade beyond what you like. Right?
"A mind is a place in itself, it can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven."
Sure enough, no truer words were spoken. Welcome to planet Earth.
Thanks, Brother Uddr, but I am in my 50s and I just don't care much about all that, what others think of me, so I wasn't being particularly brave. It's just remembering with more perspective than maybe I have a right to have. I sometimes catch myself worrying about if others like me, then I remember that I don't like most people. I would like to be so handsome as to attract strange chicks, but then again, what the heck would I do with them? I have struggles just listening to one woman relating the events of her day. In some situations, I am manly and actionable and fairly heroic. And in other situations I am a scared little bitch. I keep trying to be more competent and less scared. I keep trying to adopt the Long View (off a short pier). I like your quote about the mind being the place, and I am taking that to heart more and more. ...........As far as Dating and Mating goes, I think that it's still possible to step out of the "sexual marketplace" and just live an interesting life. Do stuff you like, find new stuff to do that you like, and you may very well meet a woman who likes doing the same stuff. And it won't matter how much money you make, and it also won't matter how thick her mascara is or how amplified her buttocks are. Please pardon me for giving advice.
I am 61 my last girlfriend was at 45. I did my own thing my entire 'adult' life as I didn't really care to join the system. I lived pretty much like they do in Don Det and stayed away from anyone who I thought might pull me into the system. I too am not a people person and have a hard time relating with others. I just think it is hard to be different no matter what that difference is as people wonder why you don't do things the way they did. I went a few times to the "sexual marketplace" but that kind of scene didn't fit my nature. That kind of place is where my incompetence shines...
Uddr, when you referred to some of the tropes of modern dating, I took you for a younger man. Glad you are out of it. Being different...humans can't help being monkeys on a basic level. Forming groups that groom each other. I would be in a class in intelligence school about bias and group-think, and I would marvel as the students would immediately form into tribes. Happened every time. I was fucked around with as a little kid, so I have zero chance of completely fitting in, even when the tribe wants me. I encourage you to write more, brother.
When I was in that world back in the 80's I was the guy hanging by the keg getting hammered so that I could handle the scene comfortably numb. The observer guy.
I started writing when computers came to be, it sort of provokes anxiety in me but some say to do things outside your comfort zone so here I am. I was recently wasting time on whatever.com which interviews girls from the same place I played comfortably numb observer guy. Gonzo.
As early as age 6, I remember enjoying the likes of Steevie Wonder and MJ, but also finding the likes of Queen and Boy George seriously embarrassing and too hysterical, musically. And BTW Linh, to flatter your native country, Trinh Công Son is in my top 5 for composers. Whenever I'm away from Viêt-Nam, hearing his melodies instantly brings tears to my eyes.
I'm waiting for someone to open a restaurant called Putin's Poutine, but I guess it will be unpopular now, and maybe be forced to close. They forced to close a Hitler restaurant in India. They cooked with gas, and had good juice.
Linh, regarding you comment in your last post about aggressive Vietnamese:
yesterday my wife told me that there is a lot of talk on Thai social media about how Vietnam is no longer safe for Thais. There are 3 Thai travel bloggers who used to love Vietnam but have recently had big problems including one getting robbed at gun point by a taxi driver.
Thoughts?
I am not sure what to think. For years every eastern Asian I have met who has worked in Vietnam grew to despise Vietnamese. That includes a Vietnamese American whose family returned to start some type of business. They find them dishonest and untrustworthy.
I find that negativity interesting because North Vietnam is one of my favorite places. HCMC was OK but I found it bland. The rest of the country, I loved. I found the customer service in Hanoi to be some of the best I have ever had and people to be outgoing in a good way in Hanoi and some smaller towns.
Granted I never worked there and have only spent a month but that is usually enough time for me to get a read on a place.
Could my being white be the reason that I have not had the negative experiences as the Eastern Asians? If so that might be the only time I got something out of what the Jews call white privilege
Being white marks you out as a prime target for Vietnamese assholes, so you just got lucky. I'd say most Vietnamese are fine, but if just 5% are cheaters and hustlers, that can be a serious problem for visitors.
Just today in Don Det, a Lao woman told me she was shaken down for some extra cash at the Vietnamese border by an official, then was hustled by a bus driver on her way into Hue. He said he could drive her further for an extra charge, but she insisted, quite forcefully, on getting off. She didn't want to be dumped by the side of the road somewhere. Her final destination was Nha Trang.
As the owner of Datta Banana Leaf, she buys a lot of produce from Vietnamese merchants in Pakse, and finds them more honest and reliable than Laos in Nakasong. Unlike some Laos, they don't sell you 9 kilos of potatoes as 10! Her Sri Lankan husband also has had good experiences dealing with Vietnamese.
Here's a telling tidbit from a 2015 article by a Vietnamese female tralever in Laos. When she asked a Viet restauranteur if she missed Vietnam, the lady said, "I'm used to this place. It's small but peaceful, and the people are nice. To be honest, us Vietnamese don't trust each other the way Laos trust us."
Has the Vietnamese dishonesty gotten worse since the lockdowns? Some Americans in Latin America report that crime is a lot worse there because of the destruction of much of the economy during that time
From 1975 to roughly 2000, there was a lot of stealing and begging in Vietnam because people were so desperate. As people are allowed to buy, sell and be their own bosses, as they're allowed to take charge of their own economic destiny, there's actually much less dishonesty. If you cheat your customers, you won't have any.
Of Vietnam's lying culture, I have this to say in my 2010 novel, Love Like Hate, "In a country with few private rooms, where people live on top of each other, lies and half-truths become the only forms of privacy. People lie because they assume everyone else is a liar. Those who don’t lie must be either saints or idiots, or just plain rude. In this shimmering world of big and small deceits, people often have to snoop and spy to hunt down the illusive truth."
Bing Chat's response to how Freddy Mercury was American:
Freddie Mercury was influenced by American rock and roll artists such as Elvis Presley, Little Richard and Chuck Berry. He also admired American soul singers such as Aretha Franklin and James Brown. He incorporated elements of these genres into his own style of music, creating a fusion of rock, pop, soul and opera.
Freddie Mercury and his band Queen achieved great success and popularity in the United States, especially after their performance at the Live Aid concert in 1985. They had several hit songs that topped the U.S. charts, such as “Bohemian Rhapsody”, “We Are the Champions”, “Another One Bites the Dust” and “Under Pressure” (with David Bowie).
Freddie Mercury’s music reflected some of the values and themes that are often associated with American culture, such as individualism, freedom, rebellion, diversity and innovation. He expressed his unique personality and identity through his music, challenging the norms and conventions of his time.
My totally homophobic brother was completely fooled by Queen in the 70s, it was the naked girls riding bicycles that got him. I didn't care, I knew what I liked. Their music in the Flash Gordon movie impressed me.
I first comment, then prepare my mountain sake with fresh strawberry, this one ice-cold. Then I read your piece. Because I know it is going to be good! Best! T
I first comment, then prepare my mountain sake with fresh strawberry, this one ice-cold. Then I read your piece. Because I know it is going to be good! Best! T
I like how they simplified their boat drives and got rid of the need for a coupler. That's the simplest, most reliable boat drive I have ever seen. I wonder if Honda thought some folks would run their engines at such a tilt. If you called them to enquire, would they say, "Yep, ben der don det, no prob"
If they really wanted a sustainable planet, all companies would build products like Honda does, but many don't by choosing to take the planned obsolescence route while crying out that we, the consumers, are using up the planet's resources. Welcome to planet Earth, enjoy your stay.
My wife and I started gardening this week, in a place where my county has some land next to the highway, divided into plots which one can rent and grow things. It's sort of communal, everyone has fences around their plot, but of course one interacts as little or as much as one wants to with the 'neighbors.' It's a bit of peace and tranquility, and so far, it's sane. Though the county has attached a huge list of rules onto the process. So far I have fixed things and hauled things away and tilled the soil with a pitch fork. I have not been able to do this yet without playing some background noise on my damn phone, but I imagine I will eventually be able to turn that off.
On the Lao theft of the Brit's phone: (Not praising the military, Linh is right about the US and UK armies.) In the army I experienced, the ethic was that theft was the fault of the moron that failed to secure the property. I like that way of thinking. In military training it makes sense because one wants soldiers to be resourceful scroungers, and also responsible and awake to the possibility of theft, so inclined to remember to secure property. The wealth disparity being so appalling distinct between a Brit tourist and a typical Lao, I am inclined to blame the Brit. I do acknowledge that it's unethical to steal. I have at times been a resourceful scrounger. Nowhere near as resourceful as, say, Kellogg, Brown and Root in Iraq and Afghanistan, or Raytheon, Boeing, Lockheed Martin, et cetera ad infinitum.
The thief was still in the cabin when the Brit tourist woke up. That's pretty frightening. I've been told that steel bars, such as exist in my two windows, were only installed after that incident.
(You can just call me Ben. The names are pretentious but I have my reasons, it's a trio of personalities that I am fostering and exploring.) That is scary. Steel bars seems extreme. Of course you know how most American hotel rooms are like miniature Forts Knox.
Your little vignettes always make me long for Cambodia. All the senses aroused, the air so thick and electric you feel the person standing 10 feet away from you, it was the only time I ever actually felt alive and human.
Hi everyone,
There was a fair last night in Don Det, so here are some photos of the excitement:
https://linhdinhphotos.blogspot.com/2023/04/merry-go-round-at-fair-on-4-1-23-don.html
https://linhdinhphotos.blogspot.com/2023/04/people-watching-singing-and-dancing-on_2.html
https://linhdinhphotos.blogspot.com/2023/04/singer-and-dancer-on-stage-on-4-1-23_2.html
https://linhdinhphotos.blogspot.com/2023/04/singer-and-dancer-on-stage-on-4-1-23.html
https://linhdinhphotos.blogspot.com/2023/04/dancers-on-stage-on-4-1-23-don-det-copy.html
https://linhdinhphotos.blogspot.com/2023/04/people-watching-singing-and-dancing-on.html
https://linhdinhphotos.blogspot.com/2023/04/singer-on-stage-on-4-1-23-don-det-copy.html
And a video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSvWdwq57po
Linh
Great pix!
Hi everybody,
Of course I know Mercury was not American, but you know what I mean. Uncle Sam spreads everything English.
Linh
I think you can be instantly forgiven for classifying him and his band as American. As an American kid growing up in the 1970s and 80s, the music of Queen was very much in my soundtrack. And if you listen to their melodies and lyrics, much of it seems more American than British. Seems to me that most of that generation of British pop musicians were obsessed with American culture and music, to the extent that present day rainbow-hair faggots would accuse them of 'cultural appropriation.' I had no idea that Queen were British, or gay. I didn't know what gay was, other than some invisible trip wire that was all around us, where other boys (and girls) would instantly mock you if did something slightly 'girlish.' "You throw like a girl" haunted me all through my strident attempts in little league baseball. That was because no one bothered to teach me how to throw. That was small town life back then, or maybe it's the same, always has been, it's rare for a man to actually teach a boy how to do anything? A good coach is just someone who actually puts in the time, I guess? I had no inclination to be a girl, I was fascinated by them, but it was not my preference to be one. I knew I wanted to chase them or even better, have them chase me on the playground. Anyway, at some point I must have heard Freddie Mercury speak instead of sing. That used to amaze me, the British pop stars all sang like Americans, and then speak in those 'orrible sounding accents. What was that all about? I really like the Kinks from the 70s, Ray Davies was obsessed with America and produced a series of albums that portray British people thinking about America and longing for some version of it, without pretending to be American.
"... it's rare for a man to actually teach a boy how to do anything?"
I have to share this with my partner, I think he thinks he's the only man in the world whose father taught him NOTHING. Here in Maine a lot of men teach their sons and daughters how to do things like take care of a vehicle, maintain a house, etc. On the flip side, my grandfather was a small-town accountant who certainly never did any manual labor that I'm aware of, and my father -- who could do everything (where did he learn it?) -- didn't want his father driving his car!
I have sometimes felt like your partner. I thought for a long time that my father and his peers knew a lot more practical things than my generation. I don’t know if it is fair to blame my father, he was busy and he always earned and he didn’t abandon his family. His own father was a mechanic and upholsterer who owned his own business. His sons became engineers and moved out into the world. Each generation had to deal with increasingly difficult technology and also intense specialization in all fields. I raised two sons and I provided a great deal of resources and opportunities, but when I grabbed tools to fix something I wanted to work alone. Bad idea. So I managed to pass on some incompetence. But, as young men they have turned around and taught me how to do many things. I didn’t want to be accompanied by sullen and sulking boys when I was building or repairing things. I most wanted them to share my passion for history and literature. Of course I didn’t get my wish. They are literate and smart but a lot of stuff that fascinates me bores them. Still, I remember certain teachers and coaches and mentors, who shared high standards and patience, who put in the time. I will never understand why I had to ride my bike by myself to little league practice, and face a hostile group who despised me for not being able to throw the ball. Dad let me down there. I’m sort of waiting to find out what I failed to do, when my sons reach bitter disappointment mid life crisis.
My father-in-law didn't know how to do anything because he thought he was intellectually superior (NOT!) and he despised actual labor of any sort. I'm trying to find what language has a succinct word or phrase for people who think they're intellectually superior and who are actually really stupid. My partner is now facing these truths and struggling with them because he and his siblings were all taught they were superior to other people (NOT!).
Thank god that you had teachers and coaches and mentors. My partner was too scared to go to boy scouts alone and his father -- who was jealous of anyone else paying attention to his eldest son -- refused to accompany him. As a girl, I had none of the above so was left to find my way alone in life.
Not interested in history and literature! I used to be a fanatical reader of Victorian novels but now I'm a fanatical reader of history.
I just bet people in Appalachia have a perfect way to describe the Smart/Dumb people. In the army we talked about Book Smart, Street Stupid...there has to be more but I can't remember. I know some of my sergeants had to be referring to me as one of these. I had some coaches and mentors, but we made a big move when I was about 12, and I stopped having Scouts or baseball, like your partner I was scared, and also pissed off about the move. I fell in with a lot of kids whose parents were professors and administrators at the big Uni which dominated the town. My brother found the Stoners. Mixed results. Army enlisted life helped straighten me out. My grandfather the upholsterer was also a home town intellect who studied many subjects and played classical piano. I wish I knew him more, and I wish one of his sons had stayed and built the business. Anyway...Dear Susan, have you tried Terry Pratchett's Disc World series? And for completely the opposite, Victor Davis Hanson on classical warfare.
Not familiar with either Terry Pratchett or Victor Davis Hanson, though I actually have read some books on military history (mostly when I proofread [past tense] for work). I don't have access to a really good library, unfortunately.
Book Smart, Street Stupid is pretty damn good! I'm looking for something such as l'esprit d'escalia (wit of the staircase; you know, when you think of the perfect reply five minutes later).
It has taken me 57 years to realize how very damaging my mother selling our family home was when I was 12 years old and she started the process of dragging me around hell's half-acre. I think my life would have been very different if we had stayed put; I became accustomed to chaos, which is not a good thing.
I like that your grandfather was a hometown intellect! My grandmother went to work when she was 12 -- her mother died -- had 2 children out of wedlock (one went to a Catholic orphanage and died, the other to a baby farm and died), worked out west, including meeting Clarence Darrow at the resort he liked in Iowa, returned to Ohio and after her divorce in the 1930s worked as a nurse's aide and waitress. Yet she was culturally, politically and intellectually aware; my mother got her first library card when she was 3 years old. I think it's a sign of devolution when the working class has forgotten that once upon a time they were hungry for genuine education.
There’s also something to the phenomenon of people leaving manual labor and farming, and refusing to have anything to do with it. It happened suddenly and we are still dealing with the repercussions. Two generations in my past, my grandparents were born into large farm families. Grew up wearing hand me down clothes. My grandmother was horrified when we had torn knees in our jeans. Absolutely horrified.
Very, very true. My father liked to joke that people left the farm and still ate like farmers while riding around on lawn tractors. My grandmother grew up on a farm and hated it, but she still dressed out live chickens from the market, sewed, knitted, etc. Interestingly, my extremely competent parents had an incredible respect for labor and I was shocked to find that many people do not.
While being taught things by one's parents and friends certainly can help one ease into the world, it's not really necessary. Just learning how to read and think logically is enough to get you going if you can make yourself go. Speaking of going check out this woman getting things done. Her sister was similar in her ability to do just about anything. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzJQOBmhr_Q
The problem with this is that many people do not learn well from reading and learn much more successfully from doing.
I have two books from Country Women, a group of women who went "back to the land" with male partners, found their male partners were lazy-ass good-for-nothings, got rid of them, formed a collective and taught themselves how to do everything from raising chickens to building houses.
I'm glad the woman in the video learned from her mistake, but a harness attached to the roof framing could have prevented her fall. It's what the pros do!
True, skill and craftmanship don't come from reading but I imagine at least one woman in your
example figured out how other people went about accomplishing projects before starting their own.
That woman is the sister of my last girlfriend. She grew up in the bush 70 miles from Huslia, Ak. One would be hard pressed finding a tougher individual. I am pretty sure that if I were in the picture she would find me a lazy-ass good for nothing and I am pretty competent at that sort of stuff. I just don't do things at 100 miles per hour all day long.
Very funny! The lazy-ass good-for-nothings closely resembled the men at the "utopian" community in central Massachusetts (Brook Farm), the men surrounding and including Bronson Alcott. They sat around having philosophical discussions instead of farming, and their wives and children went hungry until local people took pity on them. That's what these women described, not partners who just worked slowly and competently, but partners who did virtually zilch.
Amen! When my wife is busy I am intimidated! She does assign me certain tasks because she says that I am “thorough.” Hahaha I know I am, but I’m also painstakingly slow and deliberate. I have frustrated more than one boss.
Makes me think of the fierce Women of the West, some of whom got on a train in the East, and met their new husband in the West, and then raised everything and spurred their menfolk on as well. I got into genealogy, and found some ancestor women in the west that went through multiple husbands and raised tribes of kids!
My grandfather's (cowboy / cook / musician) mother took off for California in her eighties to get married again! Craaaaazy!
That took courage to write what you did. I think many more men than will admit it battle what simpler minds attribute to them through their observations. If you make Mike Tyson with a voice replaced with Jesse Ventura's the standard for what it is to be a man, then sheeeet, we are all undefinable girls! Just get rid of it!
I too take this sheeeet, not so much in school as I was a jock with a girlfriend, but later when I rarely had a girl by my side. I still take smack. I had a neighbor say I could visit him when I get a girlfriend. How am I to maintain my privilege with all this flak? Can I help it that I like the looks of the ones that say, "My man at a minimum needs to make $500,000 per year" except I would flat out reject her for saying that. So what to do? Choose the one that looks similar to that one but says, "Looking for a man 18 to 99." She looks like that and has no standards! What a find! Hmmmm? Or should I downgrade? Obviously, you can't downgrade beyond what you like. Right?
"A mind is a place in itself, it can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven."
Sure enough, no truer words were spoken. Welcome to planet Earth.
Thanks, Brother Uddr, but I am in my 50s and I just don't care much about all that, what others think of me, so I wasn't being particularly brave. It's just remembering with more perspective than maybe I have a right to have. I sometimes catch myself worrying about if others like me, then I remember that I don't like most people. I would like to be so handsome as to attract strange chicks, but then again, what the heck would I do with them? I have struggles just listening to one woman relating the events of her day. In some situations, I am manly and actionable and fairly heroic. And in other situations I am a scared little bitch. I keep trying to be more competent and less scared. I keep trying to adopt the Long View (off a short pier). I like your quote about the mind being the place, and I am taking that to heart more and more. ...........As far as Dating and Mating goes, I think that it's still possible to step out of the "sexual marketplace" and just live an interesting life. Do stuff you like, find new stuff to do that you like, and you may very well meet a woman who likes doing the same stuff. And it won't matter how much money you make, and it also won't matter how thick her mascara is or how amplified her buttocks are. Please pardon me for giving advice.
I am 61 my last girlfriend was at 45. I did my own thing my entire 'adult' life as I didn't really care to join the system. I lived pretty much like they do in Don Det and stayed away from anyone who I thought might pull me into the system. I too am not a people person and have a hard time relating with others. I just think it is hard to be different no matter what that difference is as people wonder why you don't do things the way they did. I went a few times to the "sexual marketplace" but that kind of scene didn't fit my nature. That kind of place is where my incompetence shines...
Uddr, when you referred to some of the tropes of modern dating, I took you for a younger man. Glad you are out of it. Being different...humans can't help being monkeys on a basic level. Forming groups that groom each other. I would be in a class in intelligence school about bias and group-think, and I would marvel as the students would immediately form into tribes. Happened every time. I was fucked around with as a little kid, so I have zero chance of completely fitting in, even when the tribe wants me. I encourage you to write more, brother.
When I was in that world back in the 80's I was the guy hanging by the keg getting hammered so that I could handle the scene comfortably numb. The observer guy.
I started writing when computers came to be, it sort of provokes anxiety in me but some say to do things outside your comfort zone so here I am. I was recently wasting time on whatever.com which interviews girls from the same place I played comfortably numb observer guy. Gonzo.
Thanks Linh.
As early as age 6, I remember enjoying the likes of Steevie Wonder and MJ, but also finding the likes of Queen and Boy George seriously embarrassing and too hysterical, musically. And BTW Linh, to flatter your native country, Trinh Công Son is in my top 5 for composers. Whenever I'm away from Viêt-Nam, hearing his melodies instantly brings tears to my eyes.
Hi Arthur,
It's fascinating the appeal of Freddie Mercury worldwide. In Bangkok, there's even a restaurant called Freddie Ricecurry!
https://twitter.com/PoohChaiKonNun/status/1269152279157850113
Linh
My best laugh of the day so far. Even my best room mate, Dustbin Hoffman, had a laugh.
I'm waiting for someone to open a restaurant called Putin's Poutine, but I guess it will be unpopular now, and maybe be forced to close. They forced to close a Hitler restaurant in India. They cooked with gas, and had good juice.
Mercury was prescient!
He predicted the Kardashians, and wrote a song about it.
Linh, regarding you comment in your last post about aggressive Vietnamese:
yesterday my wife told me that there is a lot of talk on Thai social media about how Vietnam is no longer safe for Thais. There are 3 Thai travel bloggers who used to love Vietnam but have recently had big problems including one getting robbed at gun point by a taxi driver.
Thoughts?
I am not sure what to think. For years every eastern Asian I have met who has worked in Vietnam grew to despise Vietnamese. That includes a Vietnamese American whose family returned to start some type of business. They find them dishonest and untrustworthy.
I find that negativity interesting because North Vietnam is one of my favorite places. HCMC was OK but I found it bland. The rest of the country, I loved. I found the customer service in Hanoi to be some of the best I have ever had and people to be outgoing in a good way in Hanoi and some smaller towns.
Granted I never worked there and have only spent a month but that is usually enough time for me to get a read on a place.
Could my being white be the reason that I have not had the negative experiences as the Eastern Asians? If so that might be the only time I got something out of what the Jews call white privilege
Hi Al,
Being white marks you out as a prime target for Vietnamese assholes, so you just got lucky. I'd say most Vietnamese are fine, but if just 5% are cheaters and hustlers, that can be a serious problem for visitors.
Just today in Don Det, a Lao woman told me she was shaken down for some extra cash at the Vietnamese border by an official, then was hustled by a bus driver on her way into Hue. He said he could drive her further for an extra charge, but she insisted, quite forcefully, on getting off. She didn't want to be dumped by the side of the road somewhere. Her final destination was Nha Trang.
As the owner of Datta Banana Leaf, she buys a lot of produce from Vietnamese merchants in Pakse, and finds them more honest and reliable than Laos in Nakasong. Unlike some Laos, they don't sell you 9 kilos of potatoes as 10! Her Sri Lankan husband also has had good experiences dealing with Vietnamese.
Here's a telling tidbit from a 2015 article by a Vietnamese female tralever in Laos. When she asked a Viet restauranteur if she missed Vietnam, the lady said, "I'm used to this place. It's small but peaceful, and the people are nice. To be honest, us Vietnamese don't trust each other the way Laos trust us."
https://thanhnien.vn/nguoi-viet-o-pakse-185499391.htm
Linh
Has the Vietnamese dishonesty gotten worse since the lockdowns? Some Americans in Latin America report that crime is a lot worse there because of the destruction of much of the economy during that time
Hi Al,
From 1975 to roughly 2000, there was a lot of stealing and begging in Vietnam because people were so desperate. As people are allowed to buy, sell and be their own bosses, as they're allowed to take charge of their own economic destiny, there's actually much less dishonesty. If you cheat your customers, you won't have any.
Of Vietnam's lying culture, I have this to say in my 2010 novel, Love Like Hate, "In a country with few private rooms, where people live on top of each other, lies and half-truths become the only forms of privacy. People lie because they assume everyone else is a liar. Those who don’t lie must be either saints or idiots, or just plain rude. In this shimmering world of big and small deceits, people often have to snoop and spy to hunt down the illusive truth."
Linh
I hope you say in Don Det for a while longer. I love seeing the pictures and hearing about the people. Part of me wishes that i were there.
Bing Chat's response to how Freddy Mercury was American:
Freddie Mercury was influenced by American rock and roll artists such as Elvis Presley, Little Richard and Chuck Berry. He also admired American soul singers such as Aretha Franklin and James Brown. He incorporated elements of these genres into his own style of music, creating a fusion of rock, pop, soul and opera.
Freddie Mercury and his band Queen achieved great success and popularity in the United States, especially after their performance at the Live Aid concert in 1985. They had several hit songs that topped the U.S. charts, such as “Bohemian Rhapsody”, “We Are the Champions”, “Another One Bites the Dust” and “Under Pressure” (with David Bowie).
Freddie Mercury’s music reflected some of the values and themes that are often associated with American culture, such as individualism, freedom, rebellion, diversity and innovation. He expressed his unique personality and identity through his music, challenging the norms and conventions of his time.
My totally homophobic brother was completely fooled by Queen in the 70s, it was the naked girls riding bicycles that got him. I didn't care, I knew what I liked. Their music in the Flash Gordon movie impressed me.
In response to my request, Bing Chat wrote:
I’ll try to write a sonnet about what Don Det in Laos is known for. Here is what I came up with:
A tiny island in the Mekong River
Where time seems to slow down and stand still
A place to relax, unwind and deliver
Yourself from stress and worries and chill
Don Det is part of the Four Thousand Islands
A group of river isles in southern Laos
A haven for backpackers and free spirits
A destination for adventure and pause
You can rent a bike and explore around
Or float along the water in a tube
You can see the waterfalls and dolphins sound
Or watch the sunset from your bamboo hut
Don Det is a paradise on earth
A place to find yourself and your true worth
I first comment, then prepare my mountain sake with fresh strawberry, this one ice-cold. Then I read your piece. Because I know it is going to be good! Best! T
I first comment, then prepare my mountain sake with fresh strawberry, this one ice-cold. Then I read your piece. Because I know it is going to be good! Best! T
I like how they simplified their boat drives and got rid of the need for a coupler. That's the simplest, most reliable boat drive I have ever seen. I wonder if Honda thought some folks would run their engines at such a tilt. If you called them to enquire, would they say, "Yep, ben der don det, no prob"
If they really wanted a sustainable planet, all companies would build products like Honda does, but many don't by choosing to take the planned obsolescence route while crying out that we, the consumers, are using up the planet's resources. Welcome to planet Earth, enjoy your stay.
My wife and I started gardening this week, in a place where my county has some land next to the highway, divided into plots which one can rent and grow things. It's sort of communal, everyone has fences around their plot, but of course one interacts as little or as much as one wants to with the 'neighbors.' It's a bit of peace and tranquility, and so far, it's sane. Though the county has attached a huge list of rules onto the process. So far I have fixed things and hauled things away and tilled the soil with a pitch fork. I have not been able to do this yet without playing some background noise on my damn phone, but I imagine I will eventually be able to turn that off.
Imagine:
a country where they claim citizens own the resources, but have to rent land to grow food!
But that is average in the West because food security and its sovereignty are not allowed to be discussed.
In Russia, they do not pay for their Natural gas. They pay for supply infrastructure and repair in one monthly bill.
They also nave better food security than any western nation. In the West, it's all commodity. Period.
I’m living in a suburb where most of the land is developed. My yard is tiny and we can barely grow herbs. So we are happy to rent the plot.
On the Lao theft of the Brit's phone: (Not praising the military, Linh is right about the US and UK armies.) In the army I experienced, the ethic was that theft was the fault of the moron that failed to secure the property. I like that way of thinking. In military training it makes sense because one wants soldiers to be resourceful scroungers, and also responsible and awake to the possibility of theft, so inclined to remember to secure property. The wealth disparity being so appalling distinct between a Brit tourist and a typical Lao, I am inclined to blame the Brit. I do acknowledge that it's unethical to steal. I have at times been a resourceful scrounger. Nowhere near as resourceful as, say, Kellogg, Brown and Root in Iraq and Afghanistan, or Raytheon, Boeing, Lockheed Martin, et cetera ad infinitum.
Hi Benedict Tiberius Cato,
The thief was still in the cabin when the Brit tourist woke up. That's pretty frightening. I've been told that steel bars, such as exist in my two windows, were only installed after that incident.
Linh
(You can just call me Ben. The names are pretentious but I have my reasons, it's a trio of personalities that I am fostering and exploring.) That is scary. Steel bars seems extreme. Of course you know how most American hotel rooms are like miniature Forts Knox.
My partner just dug out the first two volumes of Gibbon's saga of the Roman empire. Will I be meeting you there?
Hahaha some of me at least. Not sure which volumes. Cato had at least two incarnations. Tiberius was slandered by gossipy historians like Suetonius.
"A Sane, Tranquil World is Still Possible"
Are you sure? Let's hope so...
Your little vignettes always make me long for Cambodia. All the senses aroused, the air so thick and electric you feel the person standing 10 feet away from you, it was the only time I ever actually felt alive and human.
It's still possible indeed.