Before your trip to the Philippines, you entertained the idea of relocating there, so what made you choose that country? Also, why did you decide to possibly leave the US for good? -I decided to move to the Philippines for a few reasons. First I had recently turned 65, I was starting to get Social Security and I was no longer tethered to a job. (I loath the cold and snow of my home state, Connecticut. We’re about to have a snow storm tonight and tomorrow which makes me miserable because it interferes with my jogging.) To get away from this bad weather; I wanted to go to a place with a warm, tropical climate where English was widely spoken and, perhaps most importantly, where the cost of living was low. Where I was in the Philippines, Dumaguete, I could live comfortably for less than $700 per month. Well within my relatively small budget .
It's fascinating to read brief snippets of people's lives. All the more so when they're based outside the west because they so often seem like mirror images of events in my own life. I'm sorry to see that Tom was dissuaded from staying in the Philippines - he'll never know if he gave himself enough time to get used to the foreign nature of the place for it's different rhythms, smells and noises to become comfortable. But best of luck searching for a place that does appeal enough to settle in.
Graham Reinder (the 'different account of Dumaguete') had a tremendous and very heart warming story which was well worth reading. It's a pity that he's most likely no longer with us but at least he left his mark in the world with a self built house which shelters his co-builder - his wife.
Everyone here is talking about traveling (aka being a stranger in a strange land). Some are able to adapt. Others do not. I saw both when I was bumming around Europe and North Africa some decades ago. Linh had a very pinpoint observation at one point---I saved it at the time but have since lost it---where he said that traveling challenges you, it makes you uncomfortable, it may make you mad (as in "insane"), and that is what its great value is. Not everyone is suited to it. Many are not, probably even "most." But Linh is, and that's why we want to read what he has to say.
Tom's Gore Vidal quote about walking in America and his experience with rough rooms and roommates in the Rustbelt hit close to home. One of my mottos is "When in doubt, walk it out." It's that feeling of being harried and unable to stop on American streets and sidewalks, even when you're exhausted that perplexes me. So many unused picnic tables, so much suspicion. It's as if the idea of a simple American picnic in public is now tabboo or laughable. Porches are another neglected asset. Sometimes you just want to sit down.
A very interesting account--thanks to Tom for agreeing to share.
Although I'm not sure how much better I would do, I get the sense that he wasn't as well prepared as he might have been. It almost sounds like picking a place out of the phone book to retire to--a really major life decision to be making almost at random and with little planning or knowing what one might expect.
Nothing is for everyone. Take a random 65 year old from Laos stick him alone in Guyana or Madrid and see how he does. Maybe he will thrive. Most likely he won't. It is much easier when you are old to be around family and familiar places.
It does help make a transition to a foreign country much easier when you are old if you have dreamed of it all your life as have most non whites. A poll of Sub Sahara Africans about 5 years ago found that 2/3 wanted to move to a white country. Talk to a young Thai uni grad who isn't from a wealthy family and the odds are he or she wants to move to a white country or Japan.
I don't find that dynamic among Chinese in the mainland or Taiwan. They preferred where they are at. Still, millions of Chinese can be found scattered around the globe, especially in white countries.
What makes the situation for Americans interesting is that Americans have always felt they were the center of the universe and no place was as good. That is changing. The rate of transformation that is taking place (almost all negative including women) makes it harder for many single old people without a strong network of friends to feel at home. Add in the loneliness that is becoming a feature of American life and it makes it easier for some old people to set off on a new adventure.
It also probably helps if you lived in another country when you are younger. I have lived in 5 countries outside the US, the first one at 18. Maybe that made being an expat easier for me or maybe it was just my nature. I have always been curious what was over the hill and around the bend. Most aren't.
Hi everyone,
With his persmission, I just appended two paragraphs to Tom's account. These are lifted from a comment Tom made at this SubStack.
Linh
Hi Linh,
Greatly enjoy your posts as they remind me of the many trips my late second wife and I took to'
over 100 countries travelling four months a year for over 25 years. Your stories bring me back to'
many details of trips I have forgotten in my senility (in my late 70s). Was devastated when my first
wife died of childhood leukemia. Prior to her death I was work focused putting our two daughters
through college and paying a home mortgage. First wife was vibrant, played four instruments,
degrees in education and studio art. Worked as a medical transcriptionist for which she was
greatly over-qualified as she was lifelong hypochondriac saying she would die early. Had been
jabbed in 1954 with the Salk polio. Years later it was found to have one batch that was contaminated.
Years later the recipients got lupus and if they survived got childhood leukemia. Shocked at
horrible rapid death of my vigorous first wife. Met my second wife and decided to travel.
Taught at a year-round school teaching chemistry and physics. Taught four months with two
months off before repeating cycle. With seniority I was able to choose March/April and
September/October as my off periods.
My wife and I retired early. Continued travelling. Like you Linh I love outside exercise--walking
doing wildlife photography and cycling along great beach bike paths in southern California
which feature year-round mild climate (average high in January 68 degree F. and
73 degrees F. along the immediate coast where we lived). Now taken care of by
my younger daughter.
It's fascinating to read brief snippets of people's lives. All the more so when they're based outside the west because they so often seem like mirror images of events in my own life. I'm sorry to see that Tom was dissuaded from staying in the Philippines - he'll never know if he gave himself enough time to get used to the foreign nature of the place for it's different rhythms, smells and noises to become comfortable. But best of luck searching for a place that does appeal enough to settle in.
Graham Reinder (the 'different account of Dumaguete') had a tremendous and very heart warming story which was well worth reading. It's a pity that he's most likely no longer with us but at least he left his mark in the world with a self built house which shelters his co-builder - his wife.
Everyone here is talking about traveling (aka being a stranger in a strange land). Some are able to adapt. Others do not. I saw both when I was bumming around Europe and North Africa some decades ago. Linh had a very pinpoint observation at one point---I saved it at the time but have since lost it---where he said that traveling challenges you, it makes you uncomfortable, it may make you mad (as in "insane"), and that is what its great value is. Not everyone is suited to it. Many are not, probably even "most." But Linh is, and that's why we want to read what he has to say.
Thank you Linh and Tom for sharing this.
Tom's Gore Vidal quote about walking in America and his experience with rough rooms and roommates in the Rustbelt hit close to home. One of my mottos is "When in doubt, walk it out." It's that feeling of being harried and unable to stop on American streets and sidewalks, even when you're exhausted that perplexes me. So many unused picnic tables, so much suspicion. It's as if the idea of a simple American picnic in public is now tabboo or laughable. Porches are another neglected asset. Sometimes you just want to sit down.
Grew up in Dumagete.
Third generation American family.
Left under Marcos (senior).
Went back for visits.
Can be a gracious life, but can also be claustrophobic.
Plus island living is not for everyone.
A very interesting account--thanks to Tom for agreeing to share.
Although I'm not sure how much better I would do, I get the sense that he wasn't as well prepared as he might have been. It almost sounds like picking a place out of the phone book to retire to--a really major life decision to be making almost at random and with little planning or knowing what one might expect.
Nothing is for everyone. Take a random 65 year old from Laos stick him alone in Guyana or Madrid and see how he does. Maybe he will thrive. Most likely he won't. It is much easier when you are old to be around family and familiar places.
It does help make a transition to a foreign country much easier when you are old if you have dreamed of it all your life as have most non whites. A poll of Sub Sahara Africans about 5 years ago found that 2/3 wanted to move to a white country. Talk to a young Thai uni grad who isn't from a wealthy family and the odds are he or she wants to move to a white country or Japan.
I don't find that dynamic among Chinese in the mainland or Taiwan. They preferred where they are at. Still, millions of Chinese can be found scattered around the globe, especially in white countries.
What makes the situation for Americans interesting is that Americans have always felt they were the center of the universe and no place was as good. That is changing. The rate of transformation that is taking place (almost all negative including women) makes it harder for many single old people without a strong network of friends to feel at home. Add in the loneliness that is becoming a feature of American life and it makes it easier for some old people to set off on a new adventure.
It also probably helps if you lived in another country when you are younger. I have lived in 5 countries outside the US, the first one at 18. Maybe that made being an expat easier for me or maybe it was just my nature. I have always been curious what was over the hill and around the bend. Most aren't.
OK, Boomer
For some reason, a line from the movie (Shawshank Redemption) keeps crossing my mind, "a man becomes institutionalized".
https://youtu.be/jeMux1GjA7Y