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JustPlainBill's avatar

Not only is the art of good conversation dying in the US, it is becoming a minefield. I used to enjoy lively debates with friends, and no one left with hard feelings. Now, maybe not so much. (Or maybe those people weren't such good friends as you once thought?)

After we retired 5 or 6 years ago, a former co-worker and I had been in the habit of meeting up for breakfast and conversation every few weeks, until we went on a mostly involuntary hiatus for a couple of years, forced by the closing of so many restaurants and his fear of taking Covid home to his wife.

Recently we were able to start that up again, but now after just two outings, I fear our meetup a few weeks ago may have been our final one. His views on most of the issues of today are pretty mainstream (he was muttering something about the 'barbaric acts of the Russians' in Ukraine on our first meeting a couple of months ago). Since our last meeting he's gone 'radio silent', and I'm beginning to suspect he may have gotten offended by one or another of my other-than-mainstream beliefs.

I am careful in such discussions not to intentionally throw shade on the opinions of my partners or to be mean-spirited. But no one seems to want to do the 'point-counterpoint' thing any more that I used to enjoy so much. Now people simply become offended at some stage when they believe they are losing the argument, or become convinced that you won't 'come around to reason'.

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Al DuClur's avatar

Linh, you seem to be relishing the ability to have long, enjoyable conversations now that you are back on your own turf. That is one of the downsides of living in other countries. Besides the language barrier, the visitor is usually an outsider with a different culture, set of reference points, communication style and world experience. I have found working, if it gives you regular exposure to the locals 1:1, is a great way to understand them because they feel more free to open up and the outsider is less of a threat to gossip about what he hears.

Unfortunately good conversation is pretty much a dead art in America and that is one of the key reasons I moved out. Most conversations are very earnest now with little humor and a high value placed on displaying the awesomeness of the speaker.

Americans traditionally have paid little attention to the rest of the world or politics which means that conversation, especially with the middle class, was very chit chat Unfortunately, since social media, American think if they have seen a meme, they understand an issue. This is particularly bad with democrats who feel that the sign of a good, smart person is the determination to repeat the narrative du jour of the Jewish media. Mother Gaia forbid that you disagree with the narrative because that will mean you are a stupid person who probably watches Fox news (the propaganda arm of the fake opposition as opposed to the propaganda arms of the other side of the uniparty.)

Underlying all this is the traditional American lack of curiosity about anything that does not involve people's daily lives, celebrities, sports, and money.

If you were to go back to America and attend a dinner party, your recapping all your traveling would create an uncomfortable silence until someone asked the others if they have been to that new restaurant that just opened.

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