Not only is the art of good conversation dying in the US, it is becoming a minefield. I used to enjoy lively debates with friends, and no one left with hard feelings. Now, maybe not so much. (Or maybe those people weren't such good friends as you once thought?)
After we retired 5 or 6 years ago, a former co-worker and I had been in the habit of meeting up for breakfast and conversation every few weeks, until we went on a mostly involuntary hiatus for a couple of years, forced by the closing of so many restaurants and his fear of taking Covid home to his wife.
Recently we were able to start that up again, but now after just two outings, I fear our meetup a few weeks ago may have been our final one. His views on most of the issues of today are pretty mainstream (he was muttering something about the 'barbaric acts of the Russians' in Ukraine on our first meeting a couple of months ago). Since our last meeting he's gone 'radio silent', and I'm beginning to suspect he may have gotten offended by one or another of my other-than-mainstream beliefs.
I am careful in such discussions not to intentionally throw shade on the opinions of my partners or to be mean-spirited. But no one seems to want to do the 'point-counterpoint' thing any more that I used to enjoy so much. Now people simply become offended at some stage when they believe they are losing the argument, or become convinced that you won't 'come around to reason'.
This is 100% true about how every conversation is a minefield now, but you should also keep in mind that if you're emotionally uncomfortable in a conversation, then at least half of those mines are your own. Someone who says something offensive/obnoxious usually doesn't intend to be, they just have dull minds which cant imagine another perspective :)
It's hard for them, not having anyone to complain to and get you cancelled. They should be able to call you an idiot, then get you deleted. So the internet appeals more.
Tell them that your statements are about the ISSUES, not worrying about whether what you say becomes personal. If they choose to be offended, tell them not to PERSONALIZE THE ISSUE as it is NOT about them. You are NOT responsible for how you are received.
Linh, you seem to be relishing the ability to have long, enjoyable conversations now that you are back on your own turf. That is one of the downsides of living in other countries. Besides the language barrier, the visitor is usually an outsider with a different culture, set of reference points, communication style and world experience. I have found working, if it gives you regular exposure to the locals 1:1, is a great way to understand them because they feel more free to open up and the outsider is less of a threat to gossip about what he hears.
Unfortunately good conversation is pretty much a dead art in America and that is one of the key reasons I moved out. Most conversations are very earnest now with little humor and a high value placed on displaying the awesomeness of the speaker.
Americans traditionally have paid little attention to the rest of the world or politics which means that conversation, especially with the middle class, was very chit chat Unfortunately, since social media, American think if they have seen a meme, they understand an issue. This is particularly bad with democrats who feel that the sign of a good, smart person is the determination to repeat the narrative du jour of the Jewish media. Mother Gaia forbid that you disagree with the narrative because that will mean you are a stupid person who probably watches Fox news (the propaganda arm of the fake opposition as opposed to the propaganda arms of the other side of the uniparty.)
Underlying all this is the traditional American lack of curiosity about anything that does not involve people's daily lives, celebrities, sports, and money.
If you were to go back to America and attend a dinner party, your recapping all your traveling would create an uncomfortable silence until someone asked the others if they have been to that new restaurant that just opened.
Thank you for telling about your recent experiences back home. I really get the feel of the place from your descriptions. It is good to read that you are glad to be in your element. Stay safe and well in the days to come.
Wouldn't exactly say I'm glad to be in my element. I'm being charged almost $1,100 a month for a studio apartment and live in a country (USA) run by lunatics.
Like Giancarlo Esposito said in "Do the Right Thing"...."I'm just trying to keep my dick hard in a cold and cruel world".
Linh....I made myself a 2 egg sandwich last night, topped with tomato slices. The supermarket near me no longer offers the really good eggs that cost around $5 a dozen, no one can afford them. Still, the $3 a dozen cage-free eggs are pretty good. 2 vine ripe tomatoes cost less than a dollar on sale. Package of 8 Aunt Hattie's hamburger rolls cost $2.29. Marijuana is still relatively cheap also. 1/4 oz of 24% THC Apple Fritters cost $37 including tax. Conversely, put $10 bucks of gas in my car the other day and only got 2 gallons lol.
I'd rather have a few chooks than eat those crappy looking eggs they sell in the supermarket. I will never forget visiting the city with my young son many years ago, from our little permaculture farm down south. Staying at a guest house, we were served breakfast, including some fried eggs. Paul used to visit the chook house we had with a few dozen birds each morning to collect the eggs but when served his eggs and bacon and toast by this sweet lady, at six years old he stared at these pale yellowish things with their whites surrounding them and innocently asked, "Dad what are these?" The lady looked bemused and said "They're eggs, sweety" He never missed a beat and said with authority, "No, they're not"
- I came to catch up reading after seeing video of police in Texas do nothing but handcuff and tazing desperate parents in Uvalde, TX as their children were being murdered. It was deeply disturbing to hear the frantic pleas of parents like myself in such a quintessentially American tragedy.
This would not have played out the same way pre-1990's America. The people of that town would have pushed the pigs aside and stormed the school themselves, taking bullets.
So I found myself wondering: Where were all those good guys with guns among the townsfolk? When will citizens come together and stand up to authority? What is the pro-gun argument even about anymore? Why are American cops such cowards except when it comes to pre-dawn no-knock raids and shooting dogs? Why does anyone think that mass shootings have anything to do with guns at all?
The photo of the bumpersticker from Philly seems to answer my questions better than any babbling press conference.
- Yesterday I had an excellent conversation about the war in Ukraine with a Russian man. He was sympathetic (I should say uninformed) to Ukraine and I took the counter argument. He asked thoughtful questions and I answered respectfully. There was no chest swelling outrage, trembling voices or pink-cheeked verbal sparring. Just point and counter point and grim nodding of heads.
- And the boy dreams of staring at a wooden fish so that the deserving Americans can have their fish in delightfully battered, guilt-free (and more importantly bone-free) shapes. Or even better yet, eschew fish entirely for a sustainable, animal rights respecting vegan diet. Perhaps in the coming NWO utopia, everyone will scarf rice and stare at wooden fish.
Same observations and feelings brother. No doubt if it was my kid among them, the main news would have been whatever transpired between me and the pigs in the way. I'm an Aries, not a Taurus. Main difference being a bulldozer and a guided bulldozer. I'd not have run into their arms without a bit of artillery, but would have a plan to get round them.
I think we could also have breakfast cereal in the shape of dicks, with some having a little sheath with marshmallow under so we can talk about circumcisions, an even more taboo subject I find.
Nghệ An is known for its poverty and revolutionaries, such as Ho Chi Minh and Phan Bội Châu, with the latter known for his admiration for Japan. Anyway, the wooden fish is associated with Nghệ An, so that even today, Nghệ An people are sometimes slurred as wooden fish folk.
To the old wooden fish joke, I added a joke about the USA, since it's also a land of endless staring. :)
As another reader have pointed out, there are excellent vegetarian restaurants in Vietnam, but even in the mainstream cuisine, raw leaves are served by the mounds. Vietnamese must eat more raw leaves than anybody else!
There are also vegan [thuần chay] restaurants here, but they are rare.
I think there must be vegans there, Peggy. I was in Vietnam on a two week tour about four years ago and ate at the two best vegetarian restaurants of my life, one in Saigon and one in Hanoi. So I'm just assuming there must be a pretty deep vegetarian culture that would include vegans.
I can almost taste the two egg sandwich. Old chickens, young chickens, chit chat and wooden fish are all the same to my blurry minds eye. Can’t wait for the next serving.
Not only is the art of good conversation dying in the US, it is becoming a minefield. I used to enjoy lively debates with friends, and no one left with hard feelings. Now, maybe not so much. (Or maybe those people weren't such good friends as you once thought?)
After we retired 5 or 6 years ago, a former co-worker and I had been in the habit of meeting up for breakfast and conversation every few weeks, until we went on a mostly involuntary hiatus for a couple of years, forced by the closing of so many restaurants and his fear of taking Covid home to his wife.
Recently we were able to start that up again, but now after just two outings, I fear our meetup a few weeks ago may have been our final one. His views on most of the issues of today are pretty mainstream (he was muttering something about the 'barbaric acts of the Russians' in Ukraine on our first meeting a couple of months ago). Since our last meeting he's gone 'radio silent', and I'm beginning to suspect he may have gotten offended by one or another of my other-than-mainstream beliefs.
I am careful in such discussions not to intentionally throw shade on the opinions of my partners or to be mean-spirited. But no one seems to want to do the 'point-counterpoint' thing any more that I used to enjoy so much. Now people simply become offended at some stage when they believe they are losing the argument, or become convinced that you won't 'come around to reason'.
This is 100% true about how every conversation is a minefield now, but you should also keep in mind that if you're emotionally uncomfortable in a conversation, then at least half of those mines are your own. Someone who says something offensive/obnoxious usually doesn't intend to be, they just have dull minds which cant imagine another perspective :)
It's hard for them, not having anyone to complain to and get you cancelled. They should be able to call you an idiot, then get you deleted. So the internet appeals more.
Tell them that your statements are about the ISSUES, not worrying about whether what you say becomes personal. If they choose to be offended, tell them not to PERSONALIZE THE ISSUE as it is NOT about them. You are NOT responsible for how you are received.
Yes, I am sure that will work.
Linh, you seem to be relishing the ability to have long, enjoyable conversations now that you are back on your own turf. That is one of the downsides of living in other countries. Besides the language barrier, the visitor is usually an outsider with a different culture, set of reference points, communication style and world experience. I have found working, if it gives you regular exposure to the locals 1:1, is a great way to understand them because they feel more free to open up and the outsider is less of a threat to gossip about what he hears.
Unfortunately good conversation is pretty much a dead art in America and that is one of the key reasons I moved out. Most conversations are very earnest now with little humor and a high value placed on displaying the awesomeness of the speaker.
Americans traditionally have paid little attention to the rest of the world or politics which means that conversation, especially with the middle class, was very chit chat Unfortunately, since social media, American think if they have seen a meme, they understand an issue. This is particularly bad with democrats who feel that the sign of a good, smart person is the determination to repeat the narrative du jour of the Jewish media. Mother Gaia forbid that you disagree with the narrative because that will mean you are a stupid person who probably watches Fox news (the propaganda arm of the fake opposition as opposed to the propaganda arms of the other side of the uniparty.)
Underlying all this is the traditional American lack of curiosity about anything that does not involve people's daily lives, celebrities, sports, and money.
If you were to go back to America and attend a dinner party, your recapping all your traveling would create an uncomfortable silence until someone asked the others if they have been to that new restaurant that just opened.
That's raw. Also true.
Thank you for telling about your recent experiences back home. I really get the feel of the place from your descriptions. It is good to read that you are glad to be in your element. Stay safe and well in the days to come.
Wouldn't exactly say I'm glad to be in my element. I'm being charged almost $1,100 a month for a studio apartment and live in a country (USA) run by lunatics.
Like Giancarlo Esposito said in "Do the Right Thing"...."I'm just trying to keep my dick hard in a cold and cruel world".
Linh....I made myself a 2 egg sandwich last night, topped with tomato slices. The supermarket near me no longer offers the really good eggs that cost around $5 a dozen, no one can afford them. Still, the $3 a dozen cage-free eggs are pretty good. 2 vine ripe tomatoes cost less than a dollar on sale. Package of 8 Aunt Hattie's hamburger rolls cost $2.29. Marijuana is still relatively cheap also. 1/4 oz of 24% THC Apple Fritters cost $37 including tax. Conversely, put $10 bucks of gas in my car the other day and only got 2 gallons lol.
Bill
I'd rather have a few chooks than eat those crappy looking eggs they sell in the supermarket. I will never forget visiting the city with my young son many years ago, from our little permaculture farm down south. Staying at a guest house, we were served breakfast, including some fried eggs. Paul used to visit the chook house we had with a few dozen birds each morning to collect the eggs but when served his eggs and bacon and toast by this sweet lady, at six years old he stared at these pale yellowish things with their whites surrounding them and innocently asked, "Dad what are these?" The lady looked bemused and said "They're eggs, sweety" He never missed a beat and said with authority, "No, they're not"
Hi Linh,
- I came to catch up reading after seeing video of police in Texas do nothing but handcuff and tazing desperate parents in Uvalde, TX as their children were being murdered. It was deeply disturbing to hear the frantic pleas of parents like myself in such a quintessentially American tragedy.
This would not have played out the same way pre-1990's America. The people of that town would have pushed the pigs aside and stormed the school themselves, taking bullets.
So I found myself wondering: Where were all those good guys with guns among the townsfolk? When will citizens come together and stand up to authority? What is the pro-gun argument even about anymore? Why are American cops such cowards except when it comes to pre-dawn no-knock raids and shooting dogs? Why does anyone think that mass shootings have anything to do with guns at all?
The photo of the bumpersticker from Philly seems to answer my questions better than any babbling press conference.
- Yesterday I had an excellent conversation about the war in Ukraine with a Russian man. He was sympathetic (I should say uninformed) to Ukraine and I took the counter argument. He asked thoughtful questions and I answered respectfully. There was no chest swelling outrage, trembling voices or pink-cheeked verbal sparring. Just point and counter point and grim nodding of heads.
- And the boy dreams of staring at a wooden fish so that the deserving Americans can have their fish in delightfully battered, guilt-free (and more importantly bone-free) shapes. Or even better yet, eschew fish entirely for a sustainable, animal rights respecting vegan diet. Perhaps in the coming NWO utopia, everyone will scarf rice and stare at wooden fish.
Same observations and feelings brother. No doubt if it was my kid among them, the main news would have been whatever transpired between me and the pigs in the way. I'm an Aries, not a Taurus. Main difference being a bulldozer and a guided bulldozer. I'd not have run into their arms without a bit of artillery, but would have a plan to get round them.
Great R&R.
Hey Linh, brother. I think this is your cue mate. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-10853121/Uterus-shaped-cereal-aims-normalise-conversations-periods.html Just what any young boy needs, to be thinking about his mother and sisters' vaginas while eating breakfast.
I think we could also have breakfast cereal in the shape of dicks, with some having a little sheath with marshmallow under so we can talk about circumcisions, an even more taboo subject I find.
Was that little boy you, Linh? Are there any vegans in Vietnam? Maybe the Buddhists? Anyway, love your writing, as usual!💜💜💜
Hi Peggy,
Nghệ An is known for its poverty and revolutionaries, such as Ho Chi Minh and Phan Bội Châu, with the latter known for his admiration for Japan. Anyway, the wooden fish is associated with Nghệ An, so that even today, Nghệ An people are sometimes slurred as wooden fish folk.
To the old wooden fish joke, I added a joke about the USA, since it's also a land of endless staring. :)
As another reader have pointed out, there are excellent vegetarian restaurants in Vietnam, but even in the mainstream cuisine, raw leaves are served by the mounds. Vietnamese must eat more raw leaves than anybody else!
There are also vegan [thuần chay] restaurants here, but they are rare.
Linh
I think there must be vegans there, Peggy. I was in Vietnam on a two week tour about four years ago and ate at the two best vegetarian restaurants of my life, one in Saigon and one in Hanoi. So I'm just assuming there must be a pretty deep vegetarian culture that would include vegans.
I can almost taste the two egg sandwich. Old chickens, young chickens, chit chat and wooden fish are all the same to my blurry minds eye. Can’t wait for the next serving.