Vietnam's Favorite Lev, My Hasidic Son and An Old Man Smelling His Fingers

[Saigon, 10/10/19]

Lev Shonovich Dang was born in Moscow to a Vietnamese father and Russian mother, both professional dancers. He’s named by his mom after Lev “Black Spider” Yashin, perhaps the greatest goalie ever.

Lev Shonovich Dang also has a Vietnamese name, and it’s as Đặng Văn Lâm that he’s a hero, with his latest exploits in this week’s friendly against Afghanistan. Throwing his 6-2 frame around, Lâm made sensational saves, and even cleared the ball with his head outside the box. Match over, Lâm looked skyward, prayed, made a sign of the cross, then kissed the ground.

Now, if Đặng Văn Lâm was truly world class, he’d tend goal for Russia (ranked 36), and not Vietnam (96). As for Afghanistan, it’s ranked 150. Thanks to naked thievery from the USA, which the entire world witnessed, Afghanistan is in terrible shape, so funding its century-old football federation is not a priority. At least its players aren’t starving.

Đặng Văn Lâm has also endeared himself to Vietnamese because he’s fluent in the language, no easy task for one raised in Russia. There are degrees of fluency, of course, and Lâm’s Vietnamese is always measured, without sparks of playfulness or wit.

Interviewed post-match, Lâm thanked the interviewer as “em” [“little sister”], then immediately switched to “chị” [“big sister”], which was appropriate. If they were chatting in a bar, however, “em” would be expected, for every woman wants to be seen as younger in social or flirtatious settings. Even your woke lesbian sister or transitioning daddy, soon to be your second mom, would agree.

To trip up trespassers, language is filled with booby traps, if not mines. One missed suffix and you’re strung up, impaled or blown up into one thousand pieces! You deserve it, goofball.

Two decades ago in Philly, I asked someone if he had been overseas? No, this young man said, for he loved America too much, which I thought a bizarre answer. My friend TJ also said he would never travel to a non-English speaking country. Near Presidio, Texas, I asked this out-of-state old couple if they would join me in crossing into Ojinaga, a very pleasant if nondescript Mexican town, with a few nice bars. To my surprise, they said no thanks. How do you get within sniffing distance of an alien land and not barge over? Starting with the language, everything may be too foreign for comfort, however.

Just now, my Scranton buddy, Chuck Orlowski, asked me about options in the new normal, so I said, “Jew dictated Western leaders are trying to kill you, so you must save your own ass and, if you can afford it, get out of the West. Their agenda is depopulation and abject obedience through starvation.”

[Scranton, 6/16/15]

Jewish Albert Bourla at Davos on 5/25/22, “With the vaccine, there’s a fanatic group of anti-vaxxers that would go after us, no matter what. They would claim the sun didn’t go up because people were vaccinated, and that created issues with the crop, so I’ll sue you, but it’s one thing to sue you in the US, and another thing to sue you in a country where the legal system isn’t up to that standard, like in Switzerland. But that’s behind us. Everything went OK, so now we can move on.” Bourla then chuckles with Jewish Klaus Schwab over this anti-vaxx brouhaha.

To these Jews, everything went well means billions of bodies damaged from the Jewjab, with millions already dead, and millions more injured. Young bodies and faces age decades within weeks. Children die after sustained bouts of vomiting and convulsion. Poisoned fetuses are brain damaged or stillborn. Limbs are chopped off. It’s a Jew produced horror film played out in real life, on our bodies.

Bourla lies when he says litigation is impossible because of poor legal standards. First World victims of the Jewjab also cannot sue. Jews like Chomsky, Goodman and Unz dismiss, often with disdain or even rage, concerns over the genocidal Jewjab. After a fantastical Holocaust pumped up with bullshit, here comes the real deal, with billions of extras, including you, your spouse, kids, relatives and neighbors! Jewish equity means you’ll all be maimed or dead, equally!

Six years ago, I met in NYC a straying Hasid, Noam, whom I profiled. Since Noam didn’t know the rest of the country, I encouraged him to get out of close-minded NYC, with its ignorant yet pompous provincials. When Noam came to Philly, we had a great time walking around and drank in several South Philly bars.

When I introduced Noam to a black street preacher, this man said, "You should listen to your dad!" Old dude meant me! Thirty years older, I was daddy enough to Noam.

Hearing Noam’s candid gripes about his virginity, I said he should, to start with, do something about his psoriasis. With such skin, he would have a hard time bedding a leper.

When Noam wasn't sure about moving to Texas, I also urged him to get down there. Emerging from Hasidic isolationism, Noam has made huge strides. This week, Noam gave me an update.

In Austin a year, Noam drives for Uber. He makes enough money and appreciates not having a boss. Though Noam finds Austin pleasant, with nice people and nature close by, he misses the museums and music venues of NYC. Noam’s rent is also too high. Restless, he’s thinking of moving to Pittsburgh, or even out of the country.

[Austin, 3/21/12]

Responding, I remind Noam that culture is everywhere, so explore and enjoy Austin’s. Here in Vung Tau, I’m sustained by listening to or just looking at people. Daily, I swim in its street culture, as I would anywhere else. Since Noam is already in Texas, why not take a much closer look at San Antonio and El Paso, and don’t ignore the small towns.

Above all, Noam shouldn’t return to NYC. As the US unravels, that sprawling mess will become especially chaotic and violent. Among other reasons, it's more prone logistically than all other American cities.

As for moving overseas, it's a huge step. If Noam can afford a week off, why not spend it in Chihuahua? Hell, even hang out in Juarez! Though it's supposedly a drug-infested war zone, he'd have to be super unlucky to catch any stray bullet! As an American minding his own business, he'd be safer there than in the Bronx, I’d think.

With its proximity, lax visa rules and low cost of living, Mexico is the easiest choice for American expats, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have to familiarize yourself with its mores, layouts, prices and, to whatever degree, language. Emigrating anywhere, you will have to make efforts at assimilation.

In Vung Tau, I met another American who had clearly paid little attention to his new home, though he had been here, off and on, for ten years altogether. Used to bargirls, he touched a teenaged waitress at a restaurant, as he cracked a retarded joke, which he attempted in Vietnamese.

“I need two beautiful girls,” he laughed, then pointed to me, “and he needs an ugly one.”

His Vietnamese was so bad, the waitress had no idea what he said. Though I shouldn’t have, I clarified this joke to her. It’s impulsive. I’ve translated a lot.

As he discussed at length how Brazilian women shave their pubes, he kept making hand gestures towards his crotch, even as I told him to stop, for we were in public.

What was I doing with this guy? He’s a fan of my articles, I’m embarrassed to say.

Plus, I’m open to everybody, at first. Though he had invited me out for beer, he said we should split the bill at the end. This was so wrong, I paid for him, just to show how it’s done in Vietnam. Together, we had drank less than ten bucks.

Sixty-two years old, he went on about the smell of pussy on his fingers, which he kept sniffing with relish, for it brought back memories of some escapade. There were more snafus.

Among those who flee from home, there aren’t just war and economic refugees, but also sex tourists, or simply creeps, for in places where they understand next to nothing, they think they can get away with everything.

In Belgrade, there was a Chinese restaurant, Koi, with a lovely young woman who spoke four languages. Born in Germany, she also knew Cantonese, English and Serbian, the last remarkable for she had only been in Serbia two years. Her English was rapid and accent free.

To join any community, one must learn its rules. Though most of us can’t be nearly as adaptable as that young Chinese, try not to be a salient asshole, for sooner or later, the natives will make you pay.

[blind people being led towards a Vung Tau Buddhist temple for charity donations, 6/3/22]