World's Biggest Holocaust Museum to Open in Phnom Penh

[Kampot, 12/31/24]

After five decades of intense and often violent pressure from thousands of Jewish groups worldwide, the anti-Semitic and likely pro-Nazi government of Cambodia has finally agreed to build the world’s largest Holocaust Memorial Museum. At 90 acres, it will be twice the size of Jerusalem’s Yad Vashem Center. Its cost of 3 billion bucks is more than a third of the annual budget of this miserable kingdom. This burden is alleviated, though, by a thousand dollars each from George Soros, Mark Zukerberg, the Adelson Foundation and Elon “aspirationally Jewish” Musk. The rest will be footed by Cambodian citizens.

Jonathan Greenblatt of the Anti-Defamation League explains, “This is only appropriate. For decades, Cambodians have freely used the term ‘genocide’ to describe their annoyance or irritation with that Marxist visionary, Pol Pot. Instead of thanking Jews for their inspiring transformation into a more egalitarian society, ahistorical Cambodians chose to focus on some minor glitches, thus cheapening not just their revolution, but, most egregiously, the very term ‘genocide.’ Some even dared to characterize what they went through as a holocaust! As we all know, all genocides pale compared to what Jews suffered under history’s worst man, Hitler. By comparison, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot are but rude waiters or busboys. Genghis Khan was a dancing Tartar queer.”

Each night at Phnom Penh’s Holocaust Museum, there will be a three-hour lecture by a Holocaust survivor. With millions still kicking worldwide, there won’t be a shortage of speakers. (It’s not quite true there are more Holocaust survivors now than in 1945.) As honored guests, these heroic sufferers will be flown in first class, then housed in the most luxurious hotels. A bevy of beauties or studs will be available to massage each of their muscles, still aching from those death camp years. Cambodian schoolkids will be required to attend at least ten lectures annually. They, too, must not forget how much Jews have suffered.

Cambodian Muslims’ meek request to have one closet sized room dedicated to the ongoing “Gaza genocide,” their insolent term, has been met with outrage and condemnation, with economic sanctions or bombing campaigns threatened by the USA and NATO.

Cambodia’s proposal to have an attached hotel called Auschwitz Suites is being considered, with the stipulation that 99% of it will be owned by Black Rock. Larry Fink, “This joint venture will teach these primitives on how to operate a first class resort.”

When a reporter pointed out Cambodians did build Angkor, Fink chuckled, “Are we going to talk about UFO’s?!”

Elon Musk promises high speed tubes to suck travelers straight from Brooklyn and Miami to the Holocaust Museum’s lobby. “This way, no one will have to see the rest of Phnom Penh.”

With so many Holocaust museums everywhere, death camp and gas chamber memorabilia aren’t easy to come by. To begin its collection, the Phnom Penh museum has received a hundred pairs of throwaway shoes from an anonymous Vietnamese donor. Though some bear Payless Shoes, Ross Dress for Less or K-Mart logos, they were all worn by those about to be gassed, insists this benefactor.

Since many Cambodians can’t afford a bus ticket to Phnom Penh, at least ten thousands billboards showing starving, skeletal death camp inmates will be scattered across Cambodia. These will be more ubiquitous than the Ganzberg beer signs now blanketing the country. To be reminded of Jewish suffering, a Cambodian will only need to step outside or, often enough, just peer through his window. TV documentaries and infomercials about the Holocaust will be shown daily in all time slots.

Finally, the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum must change its name or be razed within a week, according to Antony Blinken. “I am, after all, still a Jew,” Blinken said before bursting into tears.

[Stayed two nights here at $7 per. Kampot, 12/31/24.]