You'll Never Stroke Alone

[Vientiane, 1/11/20]

Under the aegis of the World Health Organization and with financial backing from Hunter Biden, I’m starting a global dating service, Analfuck69 (Hunter’s idea). In this era of social isolation, economic hardship, cultural degradation, screen addiction and food shortages, it’s getting harder to make friends, much less go on a date. Still, no man, woman, transsexual or child should have to masturbate alone, so stop it now! Whatever your perversion(s), you’ll find your perfect match(es), sort of, on Analfuck69. With endless virtual partners, you can stroke together until Armageddon. (Though it may come next week, there will be no refund on your lifetime subscription. Sorry!)

It all started with Hunter giving me shit, “What the fuck are you doing, man?! Sweating your balls off for chump change on SubStack! What the fuck is SubStack?! You’re what, 59, 60, and you ain’t got dogshit. That’s because you’ve been playing junior varsity whiffle ball all these years! We’ll move you up to single A, at least. You brag about eating a $15 bowl of sashimi. Shit, man, I spend more than that on a peanut! I’m just trying to help you out, dude. With Analfuck69, we can be pimps together.”

“Hey, don’t say that word! We’ll bring people together. Love, peace and all that bullshit. You’ll never stroke alone!”

“Now you’re thinking! Join Analfuck69. You’ll never stroke alone!”

Have humans ever been so lonely? Is that why they’re so uncivilized online? The solution, obviously, is Analfuck69, so you won’t be as miserable as Grady C, for example.

In GoodTherapy, this 46-year-old confesses, “I believe that being a virgin as protected from the pitfalls of getting some woman pregnant (and having to paying child support), getting an STD or HIV, having to pay for expensive dates (but receive nothing in return), false rape or sexual assault/harassment charges, or having to deal with a crazy woman after a breakup.”

Alex chimes in, “I’m a 31 years old male virgin and I just recently embraced the MGOTW philosophy. I wouldn’t mind being virgin forever, as that’d be much better than risking everything with gambles such as marriage and kids.”

Having never heard of MGOTW, I searched and found an article by Tony Parsons in GQ. Good Lord, since there are no gentlemen left, they should change their name to Assholes’ Quarterly. Parsons:

Some MGTOW have platonic relationships with women, while others keep transactions strictly commercial, with sex workers. But what you notice about all of them is that they never stop talking about women.

[…]

They tap into a genuine terror of men who have spent their formative years watching women through the distorting mirror of pornography, who have consumed far too much music where women are routinely referred to as “bitches” and who, crucially, see in Me Too not a brave new world where sexual bullies finally get the punishment they deserve, but a world where the woman is always believed.

Intimacy as “genuine terror.” Now, we’re straying into Andrea Dworkin’s territory. In Intercourse, she dissects:

Sexual intercourse is not intrinsically banal, though pop-culture magazines like Esquire and Cosmopolitan would suggest that it is. It is intense, often desperate. The internal landscape is violent upheaval, a wild and ultimately cruel disregard of human individuality, a brazen, high-strung wanting that is absolute and imperishable, not attached to personality, no respecter of boundaries; ending not in sexual climax but in a human tragedy of failed relationships, vengeful bitterness in an aftermath of sexual heat, personality corroded by too much endurance of undesired, habitual intercourse, conflict, a wearing away of vitality in the numbness finally of habit or compulsion or the loneliness of separation. The experience of fucking changes people, so that they are often lost to each other and slowly they are lost to human hope. The pain of having been exposed, so naked, leads to hiding, self-protection, building barricades, emotional and physical alienation or violent retaliation against anyone who gets too close.

Sometimes, the skin comes off in sex. The people merge, skinless. The body loses its boundaries. We are each in these separate bodies; and then, with someone and not with someone else, the skin dissolves altogether; and what touches is unspeakably, grotesquely visceral, not inside language or conceptualization, not inside time; raw, blood and fat and muscle and bone, unmediated by form or formal limits. There is no physical distance, no self-consciousness, nothing withdrawn or private or alienated, no existence outside physical touch. The skin collapses as a boundary—it has no meaning; time is gone—it too has no meaning; there is no outside. Instead, there is necessity, nothing else—being driven, physical immersion in each other but with no experience of “each other” as separate entities coming together. There is only touch, no boundaries; there is only the nameless experience of physical contact, which is life; there is no solace, except in this contact; without it, there is unbearable physical pain, absolute, not lessened by distraction, unreached by normalcy—nearly an amputation, the skin hacked off, slashed open; violent hurt. “My heart was open to you,” says a man obsessively in love in The Face of Another by Kobo Abe, “quite as if the front of it had been sliced away.” This skinless sex is a fever, but fever is too small. It is obsession, but obsession is too psychological. It becomes life; and as such, it is a state of being, a metaphysical reality for those in it, for whom no one else exists. It ends when the skin comes back into being as a boundary.

A remarkable passage! I once had a woman read it to me in bed. Perhaps that merely reveals my madness. Of course, we’re all insane in unique ways, which we define as having a “personality.”

Let’s probe this further. As a slashed open metaphysical reality, intimacy is too brazen and highstrung an escape from loneliness, thus we need walls, clothing, skin, language, learning, perfume, masks and screens, etc., all these layers to blunt, deflect or shield us from other people’s skin, eyes and breath. Those most terrified lash out nonstop.

As our world comes tumbling down, it’s too apt so many of us have consented to having our most gregarious orifice blocked. Not yet acculturated, babies don’t understand this fear, but they, too, have been muzzled, such is our collective madness.

Sorry to go off script, Hunter! To close, I’ll have them read the statement below. A warm-hearted Vietnamese woman who’s not too beautiful and sometimes lazy is looking for a “western guy.” This should scare billions of men into signing up for Analfuck69. We’re the safest alternative!

11 November 2014 18:35:58 #1

62

I was reading some threads about love between Vietnamese women and Western man. One from a girl who expressed the embarrassing about some dirty vnese women, in her thread she wrote: "There  are many reasons for Vietnamese woman to cheat them:
1. They want to leave Vietnam to emigrate to the other country
2. They are too poor and need money to help family
3. They are beautiful but lazy and want someone bring money back to her" - Thuy-

i read another threads, they 'r (western man) confusing that we (vnese women) love their money or love them. And one sentence i met almost in all thread seem to be "i need money for my famiy".

In my hometown called Tay Ninh, there are many girl marry with foreigner for exactly this reason. You can believe it or not, if you are vnese you can understand, espeacially u r from same hometown with me or from Mien Tay (Mekong delta). They marry with Taiwan, China, Singapore, Malaysia.. through marrige agency. Ok but they are Asia too, not well educated and non english speaking, having no more choice,  they r treated like a product in market. when foreigner come to Agency they look at them and chose the girl they want (no communication), they offer a price and if that girl or her family feel good about that money-> ok lets marry. :D :D

For all of threads i read are completely diffirent i think. Here we have Western, America, Aus.. and vnese girl who speak english well or so so like me that have a chance to date to chose to trap.. maybe :*

Hey western guy, i want to marry you! why? i give you my reason:
1. I want to leave Vietnam to emigrate to Europe
2. My family are poor and need money to help family
3. i'm not beautiful but i think i'm look ok. i'm lazy sometimes and want somebody bring money to me.

Today i will not give any example about any other vnese women. i will talk about myself. I dont know i'm a typical vnese women or not but i hope i'm. Do you think that i require from you too much? i think you do and i have some question for you:
1. why dont you marry your native women?
2. why do you want to marry vnese women? or what u guys want from us
3. what do you want to give us or what do you have that persiut us to marry you?
for 2 first question, they are real questions so plz give me your oppion.

IF you aske me the same questions i would say:
1. i dont want to marry my native man bc they are strict, they not opened-mind, they have traditional thinking that women should stay at home to clean the fridge intead of going out with friend or company party and no female friend. (sr if any vnese men could read that, i just thinking about my ex, not you. hihi)

2. I want to marry foreigner bc i lost my belief on vnese, i want to make s.th diffirent for my life. And i think you guys are opened-mind. In your country the goverment have equal-sex law i think and it go to your mind even when you are a child through your parents. Here vnese women are not protected, they are insulted, they are weak and suffer violence from their beloved man. i dont want to suffer it like the way my mom experient..
non equal-sex exist deeply in us. for examply my brother, he saw the non equal-sex around since he was a child, he said to me that he would never do that, but who know, know he is an adult and mayby he think he have the right to do that... bc every body do that.

3. What do i have? i have warm heart, i never want cheat, never hurt anyone, i can cook for you, can take care for you when you r drunk, or u r sick, can keep calm when u r angry+ drunk and could YELLING at you on next day :) I will love our children and take care well for them like the way my mom did, will not talk bad about u to them even i hate u sometimes maybe :) i can love your parents like mine bc i saw my mom did it and i know how to make a real family. YOU KNOW WHAT? what i said are not my outstanding charecter, they are BASIC charecters of vnese women that you can easily find at any vnese girl.

About money, gift, living in developed country. Yes, we like it. why s not? but.. (everybody have their own anwer i no need to say more)

i supper hate a Western man who wrote :" if i dont have money, have no good job, will you love me?" oh i hope he ask me this question, i would say NEVERRR!!!
It s your fail that you were lazy on studying or on working that push u into a bad situation of no money and good job.
why i have to love you? give me a reason? or just bc you r from a developed country, you r white, not yellow not black.
I will tell you, you r human and me also,so YOU NEVER HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE US!!
Dont say about your money all the time bc the person who like money is you.

[photo here removed by request]

[Saigon, 2/2/19]

[Vung Tau, 5/17/22]